To all my fellow Ebenezers, I wish upon you the wonderful gift of coal lumps, enough to heat your office, your home, enough to provide you with electricity. Rather than being a nasty gift, this bountiful resource provides warmth, energy, and lasts a long time.
As for that famous Christmas Story? They got it all wrong. The truth is far more painful. In reality, our hero Scrooge suffered a bout of almost deadly food poisoning. Those ghosts who visited him were simply a delusional based symptom of bad food, possibly the result of swallowing an uncooked piece of pork.