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Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Thank you Lord for my smokin’ hot wife

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Pastor Joe Nelms: Shades of Ricky Bobby

Pastor Joe Nelms likely had folks gathered at the NASCAR Federated Auto Parts 300 race looking around for his “smokin’ hot wife,” after he thanked God for her during his pre-race invocation.

Nelms, pastor of Family Baptist Church in nearby Lebanon, Tennessee, borrowed a little bit from the film “Talladega Nights” and also from NASCAR legend Darrell Waltrip in his prayer before the weekend race.

He thanked God for such things as “these mighty machines that you’ve brought before us,” going on to cite the wonders of Dodges and Toyotas and Fords.

Prayerful thanks then were directed to, among other things,

“Sunoco Racing Fuel and Goodyear tires that bring performance and power to the track.”

But it was when he got to his family that he had fans and drivers unsuccessfully holding back laughter.

“Lord I want to thank you for my smokin’ hot wife tonight, Lisa, my two children, Eli and Emma, or as we like to call them the Little E’s.”

But he wasn’t done. He prayed and blessed the drivers and said, “may they put on a performance worthy of this great track.”

Then he borrowed NASCAR Hall of Famer Waltrip’s trademark phrase in his closing: “In Jesus’ name. Boogity, boogity, boogity. Amen.”

Nelms was unavailable for comment Monday.

2 thoughts on “Thank you Lord for my smokin’ hot wife”

  1. What woman could say no to a man with such a great smile? That man could have a good time even in a disaster. Men are getting grumpier every day and the women are tired of it.

    I’ve often talked about “Howard” my rooster. He had an attitude of happiness that the hens literally waited in line for his attention. His true love was a Rhode Island Red gorgeous hen “Thelma” who tried to ignore the passionate Howard but when the sun went down, they could be found sharing a branch of my Pepper tree. When the day was over, all the other hens were scattered in other trees. There is a message to be learned here and it is to note where and with whom the rooster sleeps at night.

    There was also the problem that Howard was a Filipino Bantam (small) and was often thrown over Thelma’s head when she was not in the mood. Howard would gather his pride, take a walk around the yard and try again.

    Only a fool would watch television when my loving couple chickens would spend their days together. Howard always had 3 other hens who would look away in shock and, I believe, envy.

    I lived in that house for 18 years and was known as “Howard’s Mother.” I could not even sell the house as long as Howard lived with us. After he did not come home for over a week, I knew I could list the property. I warned the new owner to cultivate the old boy and keep an eye on the wine cellar as if Howard could locate a hen, the eggs would be there. He was never seen again.

    Boogity, boogity, boogity! crow

    • Thanks for sharing your “Howard the Rooster” story Ms. Price. I like down home, folksy tales concerning critters as well as people. Too much of a discussion on politics and the evil that men do gets a bit harrowing after a bit. : )

      Carl Nemo **==

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