1940 – Walt Disney’s animated classis, “Fantasia,” premiered.
1953 – Indiana Textbook Commission member charges that Robin Hood is a communist
COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!
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Discontent is the first necessity of progress.
Thomas A. Edison
A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
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FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:
Because so many of you are so well read and captivated by science, scientific discoveries, and new technologies, now is a good time to take a pulse of that knowledge and compare your knowledge with others here. The highest scoring winner will win a secret prize, to be announced when all scores are tallied.
Ready? Get out your thinking caps and and have fun!
1. What was the purpose of the Manhattan Project?
a. A crash program (racing against Nazi Germany) to determine whether an atom could be split, and if so, could it be used to create a weapon.
b. To determine the proper ratios of Bourbon, Sweet Vermouth, and Bitters
c. Christians from Alabama, South Carolina and Kentucky gather in New York to preach the word of god to the millions of godless, heathen, communist socialist devil worshippers
d. A plan to steal nuclear secrets from the USSR
2. Dinosaurs became extinct because:
a. global climate change destroyed their ability to eat
b. a meteor strike
c. They are still alive, hiding in African caves, ready to appear at Jesus’ side
d. Tea Baggers and conservatives threw out the blue dogs in a fit of voter unhappiness
e. Adam and Eve hunted them to extinction
3. The sixth planet in the solar system is called:
c. Sarah Palin
d. There are no planets. God simply put those images in the sky to test our faith.
e. the Moon
4. The shortest day of the year is called:
a. Pay day
b. Winter solstice
c. Spring solstice
d. Fall forward, spring back
e. February 31st
5. The localized death of human tissue is called:
b. Tea Bagging
e. Tax cuts for the rich
6. Marie Curie is famous for:
a. Winning the England Can Sing contest, and performing live before the Queen
b. mixing the perfect Manhattan on New York’s version of The Iron Chef
c. Purifying Radium
d. Partying with Nicole and Paris
e. Starring in the Partridge Family
7. Isaac Newton is most famous for:
a. creating a wonderful child’s snack containing figs
b. Going platinum with his third Rap Album, “Why it falls.”
c. describing the nature of gravity in mathematical terms
d. winning Sarah Palin’s seal of approval by claiming Obama is the worst president in the world.
e. winning the hot dog eating contest held in Kentucky
8. Herculaneum is what?
a. A city destroyed in the same eruption that smothered Pompeii
b. The radioactive element in Nuclear weapons used to create huge electromagnetic pulses
c. The word coined by Mitch McConnell to describe the GOP victory this November
d. Michelle Bachmann’s nickname, because of her incredible upper body strength
e. A Danish cheese that is cured, aged, then smoked over hickory, and served with fermented red herrings
9. The biggest earthquake ever recorded was:
a. Sarah Palin’s announcement that she might consider the possibility of thinking about, wondering if she should weigh a potential run for president, but only if there are no Tea partiers running against her.
b. A black man running for president of the United States. . . . and winning.
c. in Chile, 1960, measuring 9.5 on the Richter scale.
d. Fox News accurately reporting a story that was favorable to Democrats
e. Bristol Palin’s epic victory on Dancing with the Stars.
10. Stalagmites are:
a. prisons specially designed to capture and hold bed bugs and other invasive insects
b. stony growths that grow from the ground up, caused by the slow drip of mineral rich water.
c. God’s way of telling sinners they think too much about sex
d. one of the codewords used by fascist, communist, socialist pagan Democrat Party members, to attack honest, American, Patriotic Tea Baggers
e. A new breakfast cereal that is both crunchy AND chewy, with 5% of RDA of every vitamin and mineral your young body needs to grow strong and healthy!
11. Proteomics is the study of
a. Ancient Protestant Scripture
b. how to generate solar power using protons, instead of electrons
c. the study of how proteins interact and permit a human function to function
d. Joe Miller’s latest tactic to win the Alaska senate seat
e. which cat food provides the greatest food source after Obama’s Deficit Commission is done with its work.
12. The Lugensteine is:
a. German Professor Beringer’s proof that god existed and tried to communicate with early humans by carving symbols on limestone rocks
b. A fine pilsner brewed in Munich, Germany
c. the Alaskan Island from which you can see Russia
d. The proper name of an Olympic sport involving a tiny open sled
e. The lowest balcony section in Orchestra Hall
13. Sweetlip Emperor and Slippery Dick are
a. The Secret Service nicknames for George W. Bush and Richard Cheney
b. What Sarah Palin and Joe Miller call each other in private.
c. Puddings created by Scottish chefs, mainly over Christmas holidays
d. two species of salt water fish
e. the perfect description of Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul when they discuss policy.
14. Sublimation is:
a. The process by which dry ice turns into Carbon Dioxide
b. The Tea Baggers’ plan to take back this nation.
c. Sarah Palin’s word for the US Navy’s underwater fleet
d. A veggie and lime sandwich created in Manhattan
e. what should happen to Earmarks
15. Carabiners are:
a. important tools using by mountain climbers
b. the weapon of choice that Tea Baggers threatened to use to take back their country
c. Sweet confections made out of pure cane sugar
d. the ancient Inuit name for out of season caribou hunters in Alaska
e. solar powered automobiles
For the most accurate scoring, take a sharp blade, and press hard against the object, pulling on the blade with a steady stroke. Otherwise, total up the right answers, subtract the wrong answers, divide by two, add Pi, and find the square root of -2.