Capitol Hillbillies

Capitol Hill pages & ‘Monica Cocktails’

They call it the “Monica Cocktail,” oral sex named in a reference to Monica Lewinsky, the White House intern who performed the same act on President Bill Clinton during the infamous Oval Office affair that led to impeachment proceedings.

It has other variations: “Being Monica’d” or “Lewinskied.” But it means oral sex in the halls of power in Washington and it has become a favorite pastime of teenage pages for the Congress of the United States.

Reports of pages enjoying the “Monica Cocktail” in the Congressional Page Dorm on Capitol Hill along with shoplifting by other pages have led to the resignations of two members of the Page Oversight Board and at least four pages sent home in disgrace.

Sources close to the Page System say the recent allegations are just the tip of a sexual scandal iceberg that threatens a page system rocked too many times in the past by sexual indiscretions.

Congressional Pages: ‘Kids gone wild’

Sex among young Congressional pages has become so rampant that two youngsters were recently sent home for engaging in oral sex in front of, and with encouragement from, other pages.

Lax oversight of the underage charges who serve as “gofers” on Capitol Hill has led to resignations by two members of the Congressional board that oversees the program and claims that pages are routinely engage in sex acts with each other and committing crimes.

So far, four pages have been sent home for “inappropriate sexual conduct” and shoplifting but sources on Capitol Hill says the system is out of control and some concerned parents have dubbed the system “kids gone wild.”

More unfinished business

Congressional Democrats failed to learn from the miserable example set for them by the Republicans and now they, too, are coming up against the end of the session and the end of the year with a mound of unfinished business.

President Bush delights in pointing this out on an almost daily basis, and there he was Monday in the White House Rose Garden piously calling on the “new” Congress, meaning Democrat-run, “to use the time left to support troops, and to protect our citizens, prevent harmful tax increases and responsibly fund government.”

Craig still claims he’s not gay

US Republican Senator Larry Craig, who pleaded guilty after a police sex sting operation in an airport bathroom, Monday denied a new flurry of gay sex allegations in his home state newspaper.

The Idaho Statesman on Sunday named four men who said they had sex with Craig, or to whom it said he made sexual advances or paid unusual attention. It added the allegations could not be “disproved.”

The paper said the men were telling their stories because they are offended by Craig’s staunch denials that he is gay.

Men claim sex with Larry Craig

Four acknowledged gay men, willing to be named, say they have either had sex with Idaho Republican Sen. Larry Craig or claim the politician made homosexual advances towards them.

All four say they were offended by Craig’s public claim that he is “not gay” and has “never been gay” and want the world to know that the Senator is lying.

All four have told their stories to the Idaho Statesman along with a fifth gay man who refuses to allow his name to be used for fear of retaliation.

Statements by the four who have gone public offer strong evidence against Craig, long-rumored to be gay while denying his homosexuality and supporting traditional Republican positions that discriminate against gays.

Hillary: Calm in hostage crisis

When the hostages had been released and their alleged captor arrested, a regal-looking Hillary Rodham Clinton strolled out of her Washington home, the picture of calm in the face of crisis.

The image, broadcast just as the network news began, conveyed the message a thousand town hall meetings and campaign commercials strive for — namely, that the Democratic presidential contender can face disorder in a most orderly manner.

“I am very grateful that this difficult day has ended so well,” she declared as she stood alone at the microphone.

Flip-flopping Harry Reid

Pity poor Harry Reid. Back in April, the Senate Democratic leader proclaimed the war in Iraq “lost.” Two months before Gen. David Petraeus had in place the reinforcements he needed to implement his bold, new strategy, which included a “surge” of operations against al Qaeda forces in Iraq, Reid also said: “The surge is not accomplishing anything.”

America’s worst Congressman

America’s worst congressman, Tom Tancredo, caused quite a stir recently when he aired a television ad for his presidential campaign. The ad features a man in a hooded sweatshirt detonating a backpack bomb in a shopping mall, then cuts to scenes of carnage from terrorist attacks in Europe.

Cheney’s heart gets a jolt

Doctors administered an electrical shock to Vice President Dick Cheney’s heart and restored it to a normal rhythm during a 2 1/2 hour hospital visit Monday. The procedure was described as a low-risk, standard practice. Cheney, 66, went home from George Washington University Hospital and was expected back at work on Tuesday.

Lott resigns from Senate

Trent Lott, the second-ranking Republican in the U.S. Senate, said on Monday he will retire, ending a 34-year career in Congress in which he became a powerful conservative figure.

“I am announcing today that I will be retiring from the Senate by the end of the year,” Lott, a former college cheerleader, said in his hometown of Pascagoula, Mississippi.

“Let me make it clear, there are no (health) problems. I feel fine. I may look my 66 years, but I honestly feel good.”

Lott made a remarkable political recovery from a gaffe in 2002 that cost him his position as Senate majority leader.