Eric Cantor: A Republican in dire need of an ass-whipping

Eric Cantor: A Congressman in serious need of an ass-whipping (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

Eric Cantor: A Congressman in serious need of an ass-whipping
(AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

It’s a good thing I no longer work on Capitol Hill, where I toiled for three different Congressmen from 1981 – 87.

If I still called that location my place of employment, I would probably be in jail right now because I would have confronted Eric Cantor and decked him for crimes against this nation.

Yeah. I know. It’s against the law to threaten a Congressman.  But here at Capitol Hill Blue, we believe in holding elected officials accountable.  Cantor has a history of ignoring political reality or pleas for reason.  Maybe an ass-whipping the only action left.

Cantor, the so-called “Majority Leader” of the House of Representatives, tried to derail the fiscal cliff-averting bill from the Senate this weekend by speaking out against it and working to influence enough Republican votes to either avoid or defeat any vote on the floor of the “lower body” of Congress.

By putting the society-destroying tactics of the tea party that control Cantor’s petty antics, the Congressman from Virginia proved once again that he is clueless, soulless and devoid of any concern about the welfare of the nation he falsely claims to serve.

Thankfully, in a rare moment of putting leadership above political expediency, Speaker of the House John Boehner ignored Cantor’s ravings and put the legislation from the Senate on the floor for an up-or-down vote.  It passed easily.

Had Cantor succeeded in his attempts to derail the legislation, America would have awakened today at the bottom of the fiscal cliff.  The stock market would have gone berserk, all Americans would face higher taxes and the economy, currently trying to rebound, would have headed south into another recession or perhaps even deeper into a depression.

Primarily because of the foolish antics of an idiot named Eric Cantor.

Yes, I would have decked Cantor.

I would have left him on the floor with blood gushing from his nose.

And whatever would have happened to me would have been worth the cost.

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25 Responses to "Eric Cantor: A Republican in dire need of an ass-whipping"

  1. bryan mcclellan  January 2, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Could I give Mitch McConnell a wedgie, please?

  2. peter  January 2, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Banzai Doug!
    “Cantor Needs Ass Whipping” is the not only the best headline you’ve run, (I’ve been reading you since late 90′s)but also the most truthful, and succinct.

    Aside from the other 500 or so crooked lawyers Cantor shares his domed office building with, there’s about another 300,000,000 of us out here from all parties and walks of life who are sick to death of being jerked around and lied to by those we’ve chosen to govern in our interest.

    Cantor is the poster boy for the self dealing corrupt pol leading the bewildered.

    Keep up the good work

  3. CA Leeson  January 2, 2013 at 9:31 am

    I agree. The best word I have for Cantor is DUMBASS.

  4. Keith  January 2, 2013 at 9:31 am

    While “decking the Congressman” might make YOU feel better, Doug, it hardly addresses the root cause of the problem.

    Rather, a political system that ALLOWS such self-serving idiots to continually throw cogs in the wheels of progress remains the culprit.

    Unfortunately, BOTH houses of Congress (via their insane rules which allow for such nonsense as endless filibusters and the need for “super majorities” in order for simple pieces of legislation to be passed) have now effectively shut down the entire legislative process.

    As I see it, what’s REALLY needed is some sweeping internal Congressional reform that gets the Congress back to requiring just a simple majority to pass legislation….as the framers of our Constitution originally intended.

    And if the current Members of Congress won’t do this on their own, then we, the people, need to press for another Constitutional Convention that FORCES this increasingly disgusting group of self-serving idiots into it.

    The bottom line here is that the Republicans LOST the last election. They need to get over it and recognize that they are now the minority party…at least until such time as they can convince a majority of Americans that they are worthy to become the majority.

    Clearly, Cantor and his ilk are doing the Republicans no favors in that regard.

  5. Sandy Price  January 2, 2013 at 9:41 am

    I’m next Bryan. Please Daddy, can I get a whip on the ass of Canter too? They would never put an old gray-haired woman in jail for an action long over due…..

    Our Congress has never been as corrupt as we it today! It must stop!

    My company has gone home and my house is back in order and I have followed the horrors of the last 2 weeks and woke up this morning to a world of hell and damnation.

    At least you have returned and that is the best news of all.

  6. Scott McMillan  January 2, 2013 at 11:20 am

    I support Eric Cantor. You are invited to San Diego where you can try to give Eric Cantor an ass whipping with me as his proxy. 8 oz gloves. Queensburry Rules.

    • J. Cole  January 2, 2013 at 4:40 pm

      Ha … I know Doug pretty well and I’d take the bet that he’d clean your clock even in his recuperative state. ;-o

      • Scott McMillan  January 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm

        Well, J. Cole, I did read about the motorcycle accident. As a regular reader of the blog, I’m pleased to hear that he’s recuperating. In light of his injuries I can understand that he’s not in any shape to give anyone an ass-whipping, including me as a proxy to Eric Cantor. But, when he is feeling up to taking a shot at giving Eric Cantor’s stand-in an “ass whipping” please let me know. You have my contact information.

        I will add that the reference to physical violence by any member of the press in response to a legislator performing their function is inappropriate. Likewise, the name calling.

        Cheers and Happy New Year,

        Scott

        • Doug Thompson  January 2, 2013 at 6:56 pm

          Be advised that:

          1–I don’t deal with self-appointed proxies. Most are ambitious wannabes who bring harm upon themselves;

          2–If Mr. Cantor doesn’t have the guts to face me, that’s his problem;

          3–As for insults, I am simply following the style of Eric Cantor, who makes threats and insults part of his daily routine;

          4–Like most Republican right-wingers and tea party zealots, Eric Cantor is a coward and a politician with limited IQ and emotional stability. He is, after all, a product of a state that has give us — in the past — other mental midgets like George Allen and Virgil Goode so such limitations are the rule, not the exception;

          5–I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that so many of the Cantor/tea party types took the column so seriously. A sense of humor has never been prevent among such people.

          `

          • Scott McMillan  January 2, 2013 at 7:04 pm

            My, my, what a hateful little man you are.

            I am surprised at the vitriol.

            Let me get this straight: you are actually challenging Eric Cantor to a fight?

            Isn’t dueling and fighting illegal where you are? I know that in California it is.

            Be that as it may, all that I can say is sorry that life did not work out the way you hoped.

            No amount of “ass-whipping,” or name calling will change your world.

            The more you write words like you’ve written, the more convinced I am that you have lost control of yourself. You are not very persuasive when you communicate that way.

          • Jon  January 3, 2013 at 2:31 am

            Punching people without proper condemnation in a court of law is not an action of a civilized man.

            That the law is so screwed up as to make this a useful solution says more about the law (and who thinks they’re above it).

            And on 3)? You’re better than he is. That is a lead I think you should not follow.

            J.

            • Doug Thompson  January 3, 2013 at 6:38 am

              Oh brother, did people around here give away their sense of humor for Christmas.

              Apparently so, so I’ll have to say what should not need to be said.

              The column was written as satire, nothing more, nothing less. Does anyone here really think I would punch out a member of Congress? Apparently so, given the responses I see here.

              It’s called poking fun at self-indulgent leaders like Eric Boehner, who take themselves — and their off the wall tea party postures — entirely too seriously.

              Lighten up folks.

  7. Shawn McMillan  January 2, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    See, that is the problem with the liberal media. They resort to violence and name calling when someone disagrees with them. By, the way, I totally support Eric Cantor. We should have jumped headlong off the cliff.

    • ray  January 3, 2013 at 8:50 am

      o yeah i completely agree with you … YOU should have jumped off the fiscal cliff but don’t drag the rest of us rational folks down with you

  8. griff6r  January 2, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I can think of 434 others in need of similar treatment…

    This whole “fiscal cliff” hysteria is of their (our) own making. This country and its politics is a laughing stock.

    Keep voting folks…You’re doing a helluva job.

  9. Granny Goody  January 2, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Cantor, his pal Boehner and the rest of the Tea Party members of the US House of Representatives need to realize that the American voters who put them in office can just as easily vote them out of office! These guys & gals only care about the interests of their millionare & billionare friends and are completely out of touch with the American middle-class!

  10. DJM  January 2, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    There are allegations that Rep. Cantor “stands to profit from a U.S. treasury default”
    Apparently Rep. Cantor still has an investment in ProShares Trust Ultrashort 20+ Year Treasury ETF, a fund which has a short (a bet) against U.S. government bonds, reports Salon.com.

  11. David  January 2, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    ” The stock market would have gone berserk, all Americans would face higher taxes and the economy, currently trying to rebound, would have headed south into another recession or perhaps even deeper into a depression.”

    Most Americans will be seeing tax increases with the deal worked out. The economy is heading into another hole regardless and if it is so important to keep the stock market up Congress should just pass a law making it illegal for it to have a down day.

    If you see a problem with such a law you should also be able to see that passing laws just so Wall Street is happy will cause more problems than they solve.

    • Jon  January 3, 2013 at 2:52 am

      It is my personal position that lawmaking that makes Wall Street happy is actively harmful to the rest of us.

      J.

  12. John W. Farley  January 3, 2013 at 11:31 am

    The so-called fiscal cliff was nothing of the sort.

    If Congress didn’t act until later in January, it would have worked out OK. There wasn’t really a Dec 31 deadline.

    OR Congress could simply have repealed the previous bill that enacted the findings of the Simpson-Bowles commission. That would have eliminated the deadline altogether.

    The whole idea was wrong – believed mostly by Republicans but also by a disturbing number of Democrats. The whole idea is that b government udget deficits are the main economic problem. That’s not right. The budget deficit is mainly due to the collapse of the economy in 2008.

    So they should instead work on reviving the economy.

    The Republicans were hoping to cut social security as an alleged solution to this non-crisis. Social security has its own source of revenue, and it is NOT a factor in the government deficit. Back in the 1930′s the Republicans were opposed to creating Social Security in the first place.

    All these points are made by economist Dean Baker, who was one of the very few who saw the collapse of the real-estate bubble coming. Most economists didn’t see it coming.

  13. woody188  January 3, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Cantor is a lousy politician. It’s hard to watch his unwavering fawning over and funding of Israeli citizens while simultaneously telling his own constituents to do more with less.

    • Jon  January 3, 2013 at 4:22 pm

      I would have thought that would have made him an excellent politician… J.

  14. blutodog  January 3, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    I’d prefer to smash a pie in his smug face.

    • Scott McMillan  January 3, 2013 at 4:38 pm

      See, there we go with that violence…

  15. Mark Thomason  January 4, 2013 at 1:51 am

    Great headline. Great article. I agree completely.

    Welcome back. I missed you.

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