Ladies (Senoras) listen to your grandmother from America. You strip for no less than $1000. When you get to that stage in your performance, double the price until the Secret Service has exhausted themselves.

If any of those gals ever get to Indiana, they will be taken into the Labor Union which may be in the planning stage as we speak. Secret Service is a very special select group of men and they will pay top dollar for your silence.

If Gov. Romney wins in November, the select Secret Service will still demand your services, but you will have to marry them first immediately following your baptism in the LDS.

For this service rendered by your grandmother in California, you may make a donation to the “Obama for President” organization. The Secret Service knows where to send the money.

Secret Service jobs are high stress? Don’t make me laugh.

Between the SS, the military, and the local police there are thousands of armed soldiers surrounding the president when he travels abroad. Xerxes, king of Persia, had a smaller escort when he invaded Greece. The President doesn’t have to worry about anything more than the occasional thrown shoe.

So the fact that the President’s bodyguards pick up girls in bars or order prostitutes doesn’t surprise me in the least. With thousands of bodyguards there just isn’t that much to do for any one individual. Bureaucracy breeds boredom and laziness. And “excessive behavior” is one way to relieve boredom.