Damn dumb Democrats

Last week we explored the weird and wacky sayings of some of our Republican leaders during the past year. This week, we prove that Democrats are just as capable of raising eyebrows by committing the quixotic quip.

When Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., found out that Vice President Dick Cheney is a distant cousin, Obama’s spokesman said, “Every family has a black sheep.”

In September, Hillary Clinton went on the David Letterman show to prove she has a sense of humor, which some Americans do not believe.

She proceeded to give her top 10 campaign promises: “10. Bring stability and long -term security to ‘The View.’ 9. Each year on my birthday, every American gets a cupcake. 8. You’ll have the option of rolling dice against the IRS for double-or-nothing on your taxes. 7. Having trouble getting a flight and Air Force One is available — it’s yours. 6. My vice president will never shoot anybody in the face. 5. Turn Gitmo into a Dairy Queen as soon as possible. 4. For over a century there have been only two Dakotas — I plan to double that. 3. We will finally have a president who doesn’t mind pulling over and asking for directions. Am I right, ladies? 2. I will appoint a committee to find out what the heck is happening on ‘Lost.’ 1. One more pantsuit joke and Letterman disappears.”

Some Americans are still waiting to see if the former first lady, current senator and wannabe president does, in fact, have a sense of humor.

Campaigning in Iowa at a livestock auction barn, she compared her campaign to a cattle auction. “I’ve been to cattle barns before and sales before, in Arkansas, but I’ve never felt like I was the one that was being bid on. I know you’re going to inspect me. You can look inside my mouth if you want.”

Gennifer Flowers, the former mistress of Bill Clinton, said she is thinking of voting for Hillary in the Democratic primary. She explained, “I would love to see a woman president. I just didn’t think it would be her.”

Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., who is running for president, said in commenting on GOP candidate Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor, “There’s only three things he says in a sentence: a noun, a verb and 9/11.”

Talking about his fellow Democrat Obama, Biden said, “I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that’s a storybook man.”

Biden, a known talker, also said, “I got tested for AIDS. I know Barack got tested for AIDS. There’s no shame in being tested for AIDS. It’s an important thing.” He then assured voters, It’s not unmanly to wear a condom.”

But he should have stopped. “In Delaware you cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin’ Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. … I’m not joking,” he told an Indian man on the campaign trail.

John Edwards of South Carolina may never get over the report that he spent $400 on a haircut, topping Bill Clinton’s $200 airport runway do by Cristophe.

Multimillionaire Edwards told Jay Leno the reason he and his wife Elizabeth always eat at Wendy’s on their anniversary: “You can’t spend money on food when you’re spending money on haircuts.”

Sen. Chris Dodd, who at the age of 63 has two preschoolers, joked that he’s the only Democratic candidate who gets mail from AARP and diaper services.

Dennis Kucinich, former mayor of Cleveland, may never live down telling Tim Russert in the Democratic debate in Philadelphia that he saw a UFO. “It was an unidentified flying object, OK? It’s, like, it’s unidentified. I saw something.” In self-defense, he said, “More people in this country have seen UFOs than I think approve of George Bush’s presidency.”

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson compared the New England Patriots’ spying scandal, which cost the team a first-round draft choice and led to a coach’s fine of thousands of dollars, to Bush. “The president has been allowed to spy on Americans without a warrant, and our U.S. Senate is letting it continue. You know something is wrong when the New England Patriots face stiffer penalties for spying on innocent Americans than Dick Cheney and George Bush.”

And to think, we’ve got a whole year more of campaign witticisms!

(Scripps Howard columnist Ann McFeatters has covered the White House and national politics since 1986. E-mail amcfeatters(at)hotmail.com.)

One Response to "Damn dumb Democrats"

  1. Steve Horn  December 27, 2007 at 1:08 pm

    Ahh, they’re not dumb, they (like all politicians, so it would seem) assume that WE are the dumb ones – they assume this because time after time we swallow the BS they spoon feed us.

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