Is Washington burning?

The mysterious fire in the Old Executive Office Building on the White House grounds sent conspiracy theorists into overdrive Thursday. What, they wondered, went up in smoke in Vice President Dick Cheney’s suite of offices in the OEOB?

Hey, we love a good conspiracy theory here at Capitol Hill Blue and we learned long ago that anything is possible from the Bush boys and girls at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue so we’re happy to join in the latest guessing game of what did they know and when did they burn it?

Since the fire erupted in Cheney’s offices, speculation deepens. Cheney is, after all, the Darth Vader of BushCo, the Black Knight most often accused of being behind all the nefarious actions of what many consider to be the most corrupt Presidential administration in American history.

So what did the fire reduce to ashes just as federal judges, Congress and even Bush’s own Attorney General launches probes into the various high crimes and misdemeanors ?

If evidence was destroyed, the most obvious would be any memos relating to that meeting of White House lawyers, Cheney and God-knows-who-else to discuss what to do about those pesky CIA tapes that showed torture of detainees.

Or maybe, as some have speculated, those White House visitor logs that show just which holy rollers came to Chateau Bush to help the Prez commune with God and seek new justifications for killing people in Iraq.

But this could be just the tip of the ash pile: So much wrongdoing, so little opportunity to burn.

Our own favorite list of what went into the fire:

  • Results of Bush’s latest urine test. What did the President snort and when did he snort it? Or maybe he just went back to drinking. If he wasn’t drunk or stoned, some of his actions of late give sobriety a bad name;
  • Vice President Cheney’s bar tab from that day on the ranch in Texas when he shot his lawyer friend in the face. Dick says he wasn’t drunk but Dick has been known to lie;
  • Those pictures of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid locked in a “69” at a cheap motel on U.S. 1 south of Washington. Bush got what he wants from Congress this year. Maybe he doesn’t need them any more;
  • Plans for the invasion of Iran. Now that the nuke program is shut down over there the White House has to come up with a new set of lies to justify another war;
  • Photos of First Daughter Barbie Bush dancing topless at that frat party in college. Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt offered a million bucks for them but they never turned up in print. Maybe Bush paid more;
  • Plans to remain in power in 2009 by declaring a national emergency, declaring martial law and suspending habeas corpus. Lincoln did it and he was a Republican too;
  • Secret Service photos of Cheney and Idaho Senator Larry Craig together in that men’s room staff at the Minneapolis Airport;
  • Photos of Ann Coulter giving Bush a lap dance in the Oval Office. Nah, not even Bush is that desperate.


  1. C’mon, it’s obvious. It’s all the records of Britney Spears’ visits to Dick’s office, along with the 6-foot stack of resulting sex tapes. Also any and all love notes from Britney that would tie Dick to the real paternity of her child.

  2. I found this to be very interesting:
    NEW YORK – A 710-year-old copy of the declaration of human rights known as the Magna Carta — the version that became part of English law — was auctioned Tuesday for $21.3 million, a Sotheby’s spokeswoman said.

    The document, which had been expected to draw bids of $30 million or higher, was bought by David Rubenstein of The Carlyle Group, a private equity firm.

    This version of the document is considered the birth certificate of human rights in the world and greatly influenced our own Constitution and Bill Of Rights. What I find so interesting is who bought it. The Carlyle Group – The Bush family’s outfit. Considering their record of doing away with human rights, what the hell do they want with it? Do they want to own all of the people’s rights, even if they have to pay Millions for them?

    Another interesting fact about this is that it was owned By Ross Perot (yeah, that Perot) who paid 1.8 million for it many many years ago from a British family. [Considering inflation, he probably didn’t make a profit.] All these years it has been in the same display with the US Constitution in Washington DC.

    Maybe it’s just me but I find this very weird.

  3. On a more serious note, though, I AM wondering what sort of “Look, Elvis” we have with this situation.



    ….all the possibilities have all been so freakin’ good BUT this one takes the cake in my book!

    …this group is just so clever –

    …guess that is why Dumbass and His Handlers steal from our collective think tank! –


  5. Need to be more careful with that light saber when you’re paring down the Bill of Rights, Darth. Good thing it wasn’t still the same size as when you guys took office, or who knows how many more buildings it could have ignited.

  6. I’m a musician, and your latest column is like one of those rare moments when you’re playing and something else seems to take over. I like your rants in general, Doug, but I’m thinking of printing this one and keeping it in my piano case for quick inspiration!


    is what would have happened 20 years ago on all networks and they would have been breaking every traffic law in town to be the first with live on the scene coverage.

    There would have been at least two hours of at the time coverage complete with “expert” interviews.

    The fire would have been the lead story at 6 & 11:00 and at least two great smoking pictures would capture the readers of every newspaper in the country with the caption:

    President and VP safe

    The Sunday Pol Talk shows would have been filled with questions and theories and information about the on going investigations. It would have been good for two weeks worth of news.

    But that’s when there WAS a news media.

  8. If I remember correctly, the list of White House visitors wasn’t the only list that the public is now supposedly able to see. I believe that the other list that the judge ruled on was the list of visitors to Cheney’s residence.


  9. Be kind to Dick Cheney. He has a bad heart. If he gets wind of some of these comments he may become so upset he dies of a heart attack. So lighten up. He is, after all, our Vice President, the most powerful man in the world.

    — Kent Shaw

  10. He was burning the directions to his undisclosed location, to ensure himself a safe refuge from angry mobs once out of the White House.

    Note to Dick:
    The mind is its own place and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven. John Milton

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