Saturday Science Quiz

1940 – Walt Disney’s animated classis, “Fantasia,” premiered.
1953 – Indiana Textbook Commission member charges that Robin Hood is a communist

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!
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Discontent is the first necessity of progress.
Thomas A. Edison
A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind as well as the body.
Benjamin Franklin
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FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:

Dear Readers:

Because so many of you are so well read and captivated by science, scientific discoveries, and new technologies, now is a good time to take a pulse of that knowledge and compare your knowledge with others here. The highest scoring winner will win a secret prize, to be announced when all scores are tallied.
Ready? Get out your thinking caps and and have fun!

1. What was the purpose of the Manhattan Project?

a. A crash program (racing against Nazi Germany) to determine whether an atom could be split, and if so, could it be used to create a weapon.
b. To determine the proper ratios of Bourbon, Sweet Vermouth, and Bitters
c. Christians from Alabama, South Carolina and Kentucky gather in New York to preach the word of god to the millions of godless, heathen, communist socialist devil worshippers
d. A plan to steal nuclear secrets from the USSR

2. Dinosaurs became extinct because:

a. global climate change destroyed their ability to eat
b. a meteor strike
c. They are still alive, hiding in African caves, ready to appear at Jesus’ side
d. Tea Baggers and conservatives threw out the blue dogs in a fit of voter unhappiness
e. Adam and Eve hunted them to extinction

3. The sixth planet in the solar system is called:

a. Earth
b. Saturn
c. Sarah Palin
d. There are no planets. God simply put those images in the sky to test our faith.
e. the Moon

4. The shortest day of the year is called:

a. Pay day
b. Winter solstice
c. Spring solstice
d. Fall forward, spring back
e. February 31st

5. The localized death of human tissue is called:

a. Necrophilia
b. Tea Bagging
c. Gangrene
d. autolobotomization
e. Tax cuts for the rich

6. Marie Curie is famous for:

a. Winning the England Can Sing contest, and performing live before the Queen
b. mixing the perfect Manhattan on New York’s version of The Iron Chef
c. Purifying Radium
d. Partying with Nicole and Paris
e. Starring in the Partridge Family

7. Isaac Newton is most famous for:

a. creating a wonderful child’s snack containing figs
b. Going platinum with his third Rap Album, “Why it falls.”
c. describing the nature of gravity in mathematical terms
d. winning Sarah Palin’s seal of approval by claiming Obama is the worst president in the world.
e. winning the hot dog eating contest held in Kentucky

8. Herculaneum is what?

a. A city destroyed in the same eruption that smothered Pompeii
b. The radioactive element in Nuclear weapons used to create huge electromagnetic pulses
c. The word coined by Mitch McConnell to describe the GOP victory this November
d. Michelle Bachmann’s nickname, because of her incredible upper body strength
e. A Danish cheese that is cured, aged, then smoked over hickory, and served with fermented red herrings

9. The biggest earthquake ever recorded was:

a. Sarah Palin’s announcement that she might consider the possibility of thinking about, wondering if she should weigh a potential run for president, but only if there are no Tea partiers running against her.
b. A black man running for president of the United States. . . . and winning.
c. in Chile, 1960, measuring 9.5 on the Richter scale.
d. Fox News accurately reporting a story that was favorable to Democrats
e. Bristol Palin’s epic victory on Dancing with the Stars.

10. Stalagmites are:

a. prisons specially designed to capture and hold bed bugs and other invasive insects
b. stony growths that grow from the ground up, caused by the slow drip of mineral rich water.
c. God’s way of telling sinners they think too much about sex
d. one of the codewords used by fascist, communist, socialist pagan Democrat Party members, to attack honest, American, Patriotic Tea Baggers
e. A new breakfast cereal that is both crunchy AND chewy, with 5% of RDA of every vitamin and mineral your young body needs to grow strong and healthy!

11. Proteomics is the study of

a. Ancient Protestant Scripture
b. how to generate solar power using protons, instead of electrons
c. the study of how proteins interact and permit a human function to function
d. Joe Miller’s latest tactic to win the Alaska senate seat
e. which cat food provides the greatest food source after Obama’s Deficit Commission is done with its work.

12. The Lugensteine is:

a. German Professor Beringer’s proof that god existed and tried to communicate with early humans by carving symbols on limestone rocks
b. A fine pilsner brewed in Munich, Germany
c. the Alaskan Island from which you can see Russia
d. The proper name of an Olympic sport involving a tiny open sled
e. The lowest balcony section in Orchestra Hall

13. Sweetlip Emperor and Slippery Dick are

a. The Secret Service nicknames for George W. Bush and Richard Cheney
b. What Sarah Palin and Joe Miller call each other in private.
c. Puddings created by Scottish chefs, mainly over Christmas holidays
d. two species of salt water fish
e. the perfect description of Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul when they discuss policy.

14. Sublimation is:

a. The process by which dry ice turns into Carbon Dioxide
b. The Tea Baggers’ plan to take back this nation.
c. Sarah Palin’s word for the US Navy’s underwater fleet
d. A veggie and lime sandwich created in Manhattan
e. what should happen to Earmarks

15. Carabiners are:

a. important tools using by mountain climbers
b. the weapon of choice that Tea Baggers threatened to use to take back their country
c. Sweet confections made out of pure cane sugar
d. the ancient Inuit name for out of season caribou hunters in Alaska
e. solar powered automobiles

SCORING RULES:

For the most accurate scoring, take a sharp blade, and press hard against the object, pulling on the blade with a steady stroke. Otherwise, total up the right answers, subtract the wrong answers, divide by two, add Pi, and find the square root of -2.

9 Responses to "Saturday Science Quiz"

  1. Carl Nemo  November 13, 2010 at 8:37 pm

    I’ve sent two posts to this article and neither posted to the board? Are they in moderation or have encountered a ‘black hole’. / : |

    Carl Nemo **==

  2. Carl Nemo  November 13, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    One of the answers proffered for question 4 is… d. Fall forward, spring back which is not simply one of the incorrect answers, but is incorrect in itself.

    I”m assuming as a function of your demonstrated intellect to handle complexities along with your ability to prognosticate via your “Coincidence? I think not” editorial style; possibly this error is also part of the test too…no? So this is the sixteenth question within the supplied answers along with the correct answer…It’s Fall back Spring forward, then again you might be hailing from Venus. / : |

    Carl Nemo **==

  3. Almandine  November 13, 2010 at 10:39 pm

    It’s Rob… ya know?

  4. b mcclellan  November 13, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    Read is a four letter word, interpret only works with lots of syllables.
    # 14 is a welding gas.
    #15, D ?

  5. griff  November 14, 2010 at 8:51 am

    None of the answers supplied to any of the questions are coreect, Rob. I’ve taken the liberty of supplying my own.

    1. The purpose of the Manhattan Project, which continues to this day, is the ongoing rape and pillage of the American people by Wall Street banksters.

    2. Dinosaurs became extinct when they were forced into government-run “healthcare.”

    3. There is an ongoing heated debate in the scientific community as to whether the sixth celestial body, Kezelis, is actually a planet or not. Unlike other planets, it meanders aimlessly through the solar system with no real course, trailing behind it partisan pablum that threatens to obscure all truth.

    4. The shortest day of the year is Christmas day.

    5. The localized death of human tissue is called brain rot, which afflicts even the heartiest of minds when stumbling upon another sermon from the Church of Ineffable Stupidity.

    6. Marie Curie is most famous for Curied chicken. Yummy.

    7. Isaac Newton is most famous for having an apple fall on his head, knocking him senseless, and waking up to find himself a Democrat.

    8. Herculaneum is a putrid gaseous substance that spews from the mouths of politicians when they describe their plans for representing the People. Heavier than air, it tends to linger in the low-lying areas such as gutters and swamps, where it is inhaled and regurgitated by political pundits and media types.

    9. The biggest earthquake ever recorded hasn’t happened yet. We’re not done recording.

    10. Stalagmites, close relatives of Gulagmites, is a relatively new term defining all the people held captive here in occupied America.

    11. Proteomics is the study of the dysfunctional thought patterns of partisan pundits. Approximately once weekly we are blessed with a new case study in this very column.

    12. The Lugensteine is a Frankenstein-like creature assembled from the various parts of past totalitarian dictators, currently taking the form of one Barack Obama.

    13. Sweetlip Emperor and Tricky Dick are the names of porn stars.

    14. Sublimation is the process by which we have our independent, rational thoughts covertly replaced with subordinate, irrational partisan propaganda. Sublimation is most likely to occur when one turns on the television.

    15. Carabiners are tools used by the Hill People in afflicting the lowly plebs with higher taxes and less freedom.

    • Rob Kezelis  November 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm

      Griff, yours are better than mine.

      • griff  November 14, 2010 at 5:48 pm

        You set me up nicely. In all fairness, I only had to come up with one for each. Always a good sport, Rob.

  6. Carl Nemo  November 14, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    No so Rob. Without your setup via the questions; then having Griff’s highly creative twist on the answers; make for outstanding humor. : ))

    Carl Nemo **==

    • Almandine  November 14, 2010 at 5:41 pm

      For once, Rob was right.

Comments are closed.