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Spearing the Britney

By
September 11, 2007

We suppose there was a legitimate reason for putting an overweight, under-prepared Britney Spears on the stage of the stage of the MTV video music awards Sunday night in Las Vegas but we’re sure the producers of the show are now wondering just what the hell it was.

Spears was so unprepared that her lip syncing was out of sync, her so-called dance movement didn’t mesh with the professionals around her and she moved with all the grace of a drunken elephant.

At 25, Spears is clearly past her prime, if indeed she ever had one.

VMA host Sara Silverman, commenting on Spears’ so-called “comeback” performance, said:

Wasn’t that incredible? Britney Spears, everyone. Wow. She is amazing. She is 25-years-old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life. It’s mind blowing.

Have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.

And they say politics is nasty.

14 Responses to Spearing the Britney

  1. Klaus Hergeschimmer

    September 11, 2007 at 10:26 pm

    CHB has sunk to the Dark Side with this Twitney Feature.

  2. adamrussell

    September 11, 2007 at 11:12 pm

    Abuse obviously based on personal issues.

  3. geyser

    September 12, 2007 at 3:09 pm

    Doug, I see you’re taking some Heat, writing about Britney Spears. Let’s not forget ther age group targeted when she first came on the scene. I believe it is 12-15 year olds, that buy her CD’s and anything else Britney.
    I can’t put all the blame on her shoulders to how she arrived at this point in her life. Her parents should absorb some of the blame for what they didn’t do for her. The Mother especially, left her after an argument and never looked back. Britney didn’t have the smarts to take care of her life or career. The only thing she did for herself, made sure she had money coming in every month. It is nice while it lasts. If she doesn’t start to sell CD’s, the money will abruptly stop.
    Britney had no one to turn to that could advise her in matters of the heart. She ended up with an out of work dancer that got her pregnant, as fast as he could.
    The second child came along soon after. She never had control of her own life. If this recent story is true, if she had a routine all worked out and MTV said no to it, Britney isn’t good enough to adlib. Britney should have said, “Thanks but, no thanks” canceling her spot at the Awards.
    Britney will hang around for a few more years, maybe we will hear about her every now and then but, if she doesn’t go out and get help, she will end up in some Trailer Camp with her children, living on welfare.

    Taking One Day at a Time

  4. gene

    September 11, 2007 at 7:10 am

    You have just got to love fickled/short-sighted humans. Just recently Doug was having some kind of spiritual reflection about all the (so called) “vitriol” expressions coming from (I guess) ranters such as myself and others. Our president and his gang of idiots are murderers and liers but to Doug thats just to “vitriol”.

    So how do ranters respond to “hairless vagina”. I guess its time for another (spiritual reflection) so that we all don’t become porno perverted freaks.

  5. Klaus Hergeschimmer

    September 11, 2007 at 5:27 pm

    Hey Gene, I think I was in the doghouse for a while cause’ I went after Hillary pretty strongly and I concede I got carried away so now Britney is thrown out at us like dogmeat. This kind of stuff routinely makes it into comments pages on my local San Francisco Times online news, but I never dreamed I’d see little miss Twitney Tuffit on the likes of CHB (I’ll be good Doug, don’t lock me in the Doghouse).

    Perhaps this is some sort of cruel litmus test subjecting us to this twit that is being investigated by Child Protective Services for neglect and abuse of her babies. Yes! How do we respond to this flasher who lets her kids drink sugary soda pops and purposefully keeps them up late so they won’t wake her up.

    She hasn’t hit rock bottom yet in regards to her drinking problem, and she is totally enabled by all her yes people so in one sense I feel sorry for her since she has no real friends to get her back on the wagon.
    She’s on a crash dive and hasn’t pulled out yet.

    Hey Doug, please, no more Britney stories.

  6. Dionysis

    September 11, 2007 at 9:02 am

    Thanks for finally weighing in on this vitally important national issue.

  7. dsnowden

    September 11, 2007 at 10:28 am

    Yuh know, I never liked the girl..thought she had no talent and was overhyped..

    But to be fair..she had been practicing a routine with the illusionist Chris angel for months..
    Then at basically the last minute they told her she couldn’t do it and she had to throw in a replacement *act*
    As far as lip synching goes..well far from the outrage we felt for MillyVanilly..now it’s common and accepted practice..
    like a lot of crap in our time..

    I thought the remarks about her kids was tasteless and Silverman was TOLD not to say it and she did anyways..

    Where’s the lambasting for her?

  8. Unicorn

    September 11, 2007 at 11:21 am

    Unicorn

    People who give newspaper and magazine space and television time to the Spears and Hilton girls have too much time on their hands. They need to get off their duffs and get OUT in the world and look for REAL news!

  9. Citroyen

    September 11, 2007 at 12:20 pm

    If you have time and space for this story and the language of Silverman, I’m sorry for you.

  10. macdoodle

    September 11, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    yup im gonna die year 7 homless canat get accessibele housing
    cant get legal assit
    and htis is the prioritiy.
    save taxes on us so you can go see a bad show in vegas.
    the new american priorities?

  11. macdoodle

    September 11, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    after 7 years of toomany medical conditons wrong disblities housing auhtority says take in accesible or lose voucher.
    i cant keep her shiney mercedes out of my head htis is whay they cant affford the accomdations fro disabled and say no allowable med/disbeld deductions no parking no no no.
    move in to apt facing brick waals and we know y oull ahve no acccess wont be able to afford food or utilites if pay 150$ month for aprking in “the most accessible city..”

    but hey brtney is unprepeared fro vegas.
    yup, its what’s important
    its why i’m to die as the only way out of hell.
    not erven Obama can save this..in time. fro me an many ohters. like the one in 4 vets comming home with mh and ciommititing suicide.
    no one will discuss those tax savings.. but everyone wants them.
    still baby chubby, unprepared Britney it is.

    at least i have vet funeral expenses. then there is care.

  12. pondering_it_all

    September 11, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    Overweight? That photo does NOT show an overweight woman. She is NORMAL weight.

    Britney’s no Jessica Alba, but she looks pretty healthy to me, especially for a mother of two very young children. Your expectations of women’s bodies have been warped by all the anorexic young wraiths who fill the catwalks, print ads, movies, and TV.

  13. Klaus Hergeschimmer

    September 11, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    She may be no Jessica Alba but Britney is an irresponsible mother of two children who is currently being investigated by Child Protective Services for child abuse, and is in a pending lawsuit with the father
    who wants full custody because of her inadequate care
    of the children.

  14. yarply

    September 11, 2007 at 8:46 pm

    Have to admit, Her dancing was poor, she did not do a good job of lip syncing,, made a very poor choice of what to wear, and probably shouldn’t of done thoughs squats,,, But besides that she looked pretty good. She looked like a real person,, not the under fed, size zero, that is being promoted. All in all she should have worn one of thoughs black leather outfits. It would have been more forgiving on her tummy and thighs.