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A Silly Sophmoronic Schlussel Sermon

By Rob Kezelis
May 18, 2010

1926 – Evangelist Aimee Semple McPherson disappears from a Venice CA beach.

1969 – Apollo 10 is launched, accidentally leaving Debbie Schlussel’s brain in orbit..

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

“Don’t let her lack of a headscarf and her donning a bikini in public fool you. Miss Michigan USA, Rimah Fakih is a Muslim activist and propagandist extraordinaire,” – – –  Debbie Schlussel

“Over the years, I’ve written about the many movies in which Hollywood changes the villain or the terrorist in the original script or novel from a Muslim to something else out of politically correct deference to Islam, the religion of whiners and ultimately, murderers. Now, Hollywood continues in this tradition. I’m already learning that ‘Angels and Demons’ has been ‘disinfected’ by Islamopanderers  not wanting to upset our dear friends in the ‘Religion of Peace,’ who might do something ‘peaceful’ if the movie had stayed true to the book.” – – –  Debbie Schlussel

- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:

a) Reich Wing Missouri
or was that misery?

The funniest take on the new Ms. USA ever can be found here. Lebanese is a code word for Lesbian? LOL. This was apparently done in response to Debbie Schussel’s attack on the newest Ms. USA, who committed the mortal sin of being a muslim, as well as attractive, smart, shapely, and well, attractive.

Yes, Debbie Schlussel claims to have a brain. She just misplaced it somewhere, along with her car keys.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?
A: Debbie!

The Debster calls herself a conservative commentator, and a self-described expert on Islam, joining Anne Coulter in that august group of unqualified, archaic, and fact-free conservative experts. After a quick scan of her petty, infantile, and seriously erroneous blogs and statements on Islam, you seriously  begin to wonder whether this semi-functioning critter ever confuses the act of inhalation with ingestion, leading to potentially serious medical problems. Given the vapid and creepy nature of her comments, watch for Fox News to hire her. Sheppard’s has been making too much sense of late, and too much of that might introduce Fox viewers to the act of thinking.

(I heartily and completely apologize to each and every blonde happening upon this place. Rest assured that this is all curmudgeonly sarcasm, and has nothing to do with how I really feel about blondes. Except Anne, Schlussel and a few other notable quotables)

– – – –

b) B is for Bimbos
Today’s bimbo is Indiana’s own Family Values Congresscritter, a conservative who stormed into orfice with Newt the Gingrich. Mark Souder, today’s neocon hero, resigns from orfice after being found out. I guess that sweet young employee who did his faux interview on Abstinence Policy didn’t take his words to heart, but to bed.

To know just how evil this man was, see below:

Souder frequently meddled with CDC research into at-risk behavior, and made life difficult for medical researchers of teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. For example, in March 2004, Souder hauled Dr. Jonathan Zenilman, a former C.D.C. officer and S.T.D. specialist at Hopkins who happens to be my father, before his committee and proceeded to lecture him on the sins of condoms and sex outside of wedlock and its liberal enablers. . .

Souder ultimately responded by saying that teen sex needs to be aggressively confronted, like date rape, because out-of-wedlock sex always leads to pregnancy and ruins lives.

Avi Zenilman’s GREAT Vanity Fair article.

If you have a cast iron stomach that dissolves both rhino and hippo-cracy, check out Chris Cillizza who quotes from Souder’s fantastical ALL CAPS RESIGNATION LETTER.  What is amazing about the letter is how he tries to make it sound like god forgave him, so everythings both hunky and dory.

It is obvious that Democrats trying to change how congress does business have been on the wrong track. It is silly and foolish to try to compete with the likes of MSM, Tea Baggers, and that dick Armey. All we have to do to rid congress of most of its Family Values promoters is put them in close proximity with willing young men and women, and let nature take its course. I do feel sorry for those young adults who fall prey to these stale, pale males. Yet, as Hank Kissinger once intimated, power is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Hm. “Intimated” is probably a bad choice of word.

– – –

c)  C is for Caribou Bimbettes

Guess who told the NRA (which was Gun Free, by the way):

“Don’t doubt for a minute that, if they thought they could get away with it, they would ban guns and ban ammunition and gut the Second Amendment”.

Yes, the ever present, always shrieking, nails on blackboard quitta from Wassilla.
Given how the NRA’s poster for their annual meeting never seems to change:

  1. They will take our guns away
  1. They will take our armor piercing ammo away
  1. They will take our auto reloaders away
  1. Guns don’t kill, people kill
  1. There’s be no murder or crime if everyone carried

that they could save a lot of money by simply saving and reusing last year’s immaterial. They keep the same targets, with Obama as their only new addition since 2008.

The more I hear her voice, the more often she campaigns in public (but with no press or media access) and the more that MSM readers continue to promote her, the more I believe that the GOP really deserves her (with Newt as her ruining mate) as the next presidential nominee.

And now, she is even selling her daughter online. Bristol will talk up abstinence and public policy for $30,000 an appearance. Yeah, like that really worked so well for you Bristol.

Be still my heart.

– – –

d) True Family Values:

An 87-year-old Connecticut woman doesn’t have to split her share of a $500,000 lottery jackpot with the 84-year-old sister she hasn’t spoken to since they began fighting over the windfall in 2005, a judge ruled Wednesday.

Rose Bakaysa and Theresa Sokaitis stopped speaking shortly after Bakaysa refused to give Sokaitis any winnings from the Powerball jackpot, split by Bakaysa and their brother, Joseph Troy Sr. A judge ruled Wednesday that Bakaysa can keep her share.

One sister wins lottery, other sister sues. Well, five years isn’t really that long of a time, when you think about it.

– – –

e) Nebraska jealous of Arizona, considers same idiocy
Look out, Florida! The race for the most ineffably stupid state tightens up!

Tired of being ignored as a a whirled crass holiday deadstination, Republican State Senator Charlie Janssen wants to introduce an identical bill to Arizona’s Driving While Hispanic bill recently signed into law. Considering the huge influx of illegal Canadians, seeking to leave all that natural beauty, national health care, decent roads, nice people, and liberal policies, we suspect that anyone ending a sentence with “Eh?” will be immediately arrested and detained.

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5 Responses to A Silly Sophmoronic Schlussel Sermon

  1. dvl666

    May 18, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    Say it ain’t so, Debbie is a Badger??

  2. Carl Nemo

    May 18, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    This female, self-proclaimed expert on the ways of Islam should visit the out regions of Afghanistan and see how the Taliban receive the display of her body in public.

    I believe she’d be found under a pile of stones in short order.: |

    Carl Nemo **==

  3. woody188

    May 18, 2010 at 9:17 pm

    Chicago banned handguns and automatic weapons within city limits and set up a London-esque 10,000 camera spy network. Is crime up or down?

    Here’s a hint: We now have great videos of murder and mayhem.

    Yes, they will take our guns away. They did in New Orleans after Katrina, even from areas that were not flooded.

    • Rob Kezelis

      May 19, 2010 at 6:58 am

      A sad truth, indeed. The criminals just get smarter and learn how to avoid the cameras, etc.

      Drug money seems to be the driving force behind the Chicago violence. If marijuana were regulated, legal, and sold to the public, most of that crime would go away. Al Capone loved what prohibition did to his income stream.

  4. b mcclellan

    May 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    Newt as her ruining mate,
    hmmm,
    has he got $30,000 ?

    I for one would like to see the portfolio action , of the POTUS, TSCOTUS, THOR, and most of all, our vaunted SENATE, since the gulf oil honey hole went out of control.
    From here I hear jubilation not unlike the sound of a government perpetually in damage control mode, missing that fourth estate of mind over gas..