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An Untitled Sermon

By Rob Kezelis
May 13, 2010

1893  – the US Supreme Court determines that the tomato is Vegetable, not a fruit, under Tarriff Act of 1883

1933 – Nazi Germany begins organized book burnings

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
—  W. C. Fields

We eat, therefore we hunt.
—  Sarah Palin

FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:

- – -

A) I APOLOGIZE.

I promised myself.  I even swore an oath to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to Sol (the Pagan god of light and warmth), and even to Apep, (aka Apothis the destroyer) that I would neither simonize nor sermonize on the subject of the Wholly Trinity: Bible Spice, Caribou Barbie, & Wasilly Sarah.

But this is just too priceless. The Quitta from Wassilla invaded northern Illinois yesterday, bringing her entire entourage. She entertained a couple of thousand Trew Beliefers, praising Ronald Reagan, sneering at President Obama, and attacking all things liberal. She even attacked a Highland Park High School that voted almost unanimously to cancel a trip to AZ because of the racist legislation that backwards state passed into law.

For her ability to put together incoherent sentences into some bizarre oratorical display of senselessness, half-witlessness, and screeching, she earned $100,000. Her topics ranged from conservatism, jesus, and (her standard stump pitch) the dangers of liberalism. What really stuck in my craw:

SHE BROUGHT NINE (9) ARMED BODY GUARDS WITH HER. Is she so afraid of her devotees, that she needs body guards? There are US Supreme Court Justices,  US senators and congresscritters who walk the streets of Rosemont, Chicago, Springpatch, Evanston and other Illinois neighborhoods alone, unarmed, and without an escort. Heck, you can even spot Da Mare Richie Daley on Washington, and if you smile and say, “Hello,” he may even pick your ear for a short chat. What mangled, bruised, broiled and bruised thought is bouncing randomly inside her skull, that makes her think that she is in need of one body guard, much less nine?

Anyway, I apologize about raising her in a sermon. Again.

– – –

B) BRAVO ICELAND!

Talk about brilliant multitasking. On one side of their lovely island, they have a volcano bellowing and spewing shit like a room full of chain smokers. On the other side, they managed to put together 2+2, determined who were the miscreant criminals who drove their economy into the ocean, and arrested the bankers who caused this mess.

REYKJAVIK — More than a year and a half after Iceland’s major banks failed, all but sinking the country’s economy, police have begun rounding up a number of top bankers while other former executives and owners face a two-billion-dollar lawsuit.
Since Iceland’s three largest banks — Kaupthing, Landsbanki and Glitnir — collapsed in late 2008, their former executives and owners have largely been living untroubled lives abroad.
But the publication last month of a parliamentary inquiry into the island nation’s profound financial and economic crisis signaled a turning of the tide, laying much of the blame for the downfall on the former bank heads who had taken “inappropriate loans from the banks” they worked for.

Sigh. If only we could get the attention of Congress and have them do the same thing.  Sadly, that will never happen. Too many senatwhores and Congresscritters remain on Wall Street’s payroll. But, somehow our MSM misses it again. Instead, they report how brave one Blanched Lincoln is, how upstanding and forthright she is in the face of the millions she received from Wall.

Blanched Lincoln’s election-based effort to rein in Wall Street Derivatives is so utterly transparent and PR based, that even her supporters can’t believe her. She is now lagging against the Lt. Gov. in her primary.

Just how much of a sham her proposed derivatives regulations are, might be subject to debate, were it not for the democratic whoremongers who are doing their best to protect Blanche as much as Wall Street.

One of the most far-reaching pieces of the Senate’s Wall Street reform bill has powerful enemies. The White House doesn’t like it. FDIC chief Sheila Bair doesn’t like it. Obama adviser Paul Volcker–the patron saint of financial reform–doesn’t like it. And neither do a number of key Democrats, including Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd. All of them say that a controversial proposal to force financial firms to spin off their derivative-trading desks into separate entities goes too far.

But they may have gotten themselves stuck with it–at least for now. With their assent, the plan was authored by Sen. Blanche Lincoln (D-AR), who designed it to guard her left flank against a somewhat formidable primary challenge, and has been boasting of it on populist grounds for weeks. And that according to Republican and Democratic Senate sources, has led Democrats to quietly agree to postpone any changes they decide to make to her proposal until after this Tuesday’s election has passed, to avoid embarrassing her in front of voters.

There is one word for this: Bastards, all. Okay, two words. This is nothing more than a  put up job to get her re-elected, a faux derivatives statute that designed to die another day, a sham effort at real regulatory reform. Wanna bet that if that bill came up intact, Blanched would vote against her own bill? Sausage making is far more wholesome, clean, antiseptic and smells like a rose in comparison.

– – –

c) Obama’s pot problem

Gil Kerlikowske, Obama’s drug czar started off with a promise to change how the administration was dealing with drugs, pot in particular.

Two months later, the Obama drug war is absolutely no different than the Bush drug war. We still arrest and imprison 200,000 people each year on pot charges. We prevent 20,000 kids from financial aid in college. We ruin the lives of innocents daily, and we prevent real medical tests of marijuana’s efficacy. Yesterday, Obama’s team announced that they were absolutely against any deregulation of pot.

I’ve had friends die of cancer. I saw how pot gave them comfort, an appetite, and a more comfortable outlook on life. I’ve been told by my doctors to use pot for my own pain (which I must ignore, given my profession).  And I have represented yutes when they got busted, donating time and my fees to try to save their futures.

More than 50% of Americans support decriminalization, depending on how you phrase the question. Somehow, that message stops at the edge of the Bloatway, and fails to pierce the White House Bubble. One year ago, the Obama Drug Czar promised to stop raids on medical pot dispensaries. Today, they continue unabated. One year ago, the Obama Drug Czar promised to provide clean needles and education, not to mention other support programs for addicts. Today, we have nothing new to report.

Change? Really. Tell me that its raining on my back, Mr. President, even though it sure smells and looks like urine.

– – –

D) Scarecrow politics

Which way to Oz City? Is Karzai an enemy? our bestest friend forever? Or do we just flip a coin?  And what of his criminal brother? Worthy of arrest, or praise and support?

Spring showers are underway, so it must mean that Karzai is again our bestest friend forever. Just as tribal leaders are claiming that the CIA poisoned their opium crop, (their biggest, most profitable industry) and while the US is planning its largest ever attack on Taliban strongholds, Afghanistan’s leader is again in good graces.

Why this feeling of deja vu? Anyone recall the US’ posture to certain Iraqi cities, when we first bombed the everlasting shiite out of them, then a week later, called them our indispensable allies? Only to change course with the next new moon?

Here are some uncomfortable facts, in no particular order, about Afghanistan.

a) We cannot win. We are the invaders, the occupiers. They’ve seen this opera before. They beat the Brits. They beat the Soviets. They will beat us. When you have nothing left to lose, the invader eventually leaves. That is what will happen here.

b) Afghanistan now costs us more than Iraq. In blood, in money, in destruction of our military might, we are wasting billions on a place that doesn’t want us there. Worst of all, we continue to damage and kill our most precious resource, our boys and girls.

c) Afghanistan’s internal corruption is so bad, that most locals prefer the Taliban over a US propped up puppet regime. Despite SecState Clinton’s laudable efforts, the problem we face is that we picked a bunch of crooks to lead that country. Outside of Kabul, there is absolutely no, ZERO, nada, nil support for Karzai or his henchmen.

d) Reality seems to be absent inside the bloatway. Where are the congressional investigations about our own fraud, costs, and serious problems plaguing both Iraq and Afghanistan? Did congress forget about its responsibility? Again?

– – –

e) Christian charity?

Two gospel singers are facing multiple charges after authorities say they played uplifting music for several Georgia churches, then stole some $100,000 worth of speakers, microphones and other musical equipment.

Washington County Sheriff Thomas H. Smith said Tuesday that 28-year-old Deshawn Rico Thomas, of Augusta, and 28-year-old Rico Pionegro Blackshear, from Dublin, have each been charged with nine counts of theft by taking and nine counts of burglary.

“I . I .  I . seen the light!”

Heh. Praise the lord, and pass the loot.

2 Responses to An Untitled Sermon

  1. Carl Nemo

    May 13, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    Thanks Rob… : ) I must say A thru E all excellent material; ie, timely, spot-on analysis executed in your inimitable humorous style.

    I just love ‘true grit” Vikings for going after the banking knaves that destroyed their economy. Hopefully once they are convicted their punishment will be to stake them out at low tide and let Odin decide their just fate. They need to get their hands on Harold Brown too the former PM of Britain who pegged them as financial terrorists. In fact it’s this very tag that made the Icelandic electorate turn against the idea of raising their taxes to square away this criminal cabal of Euro-trash bankers.

    As far as the ‘war on drugs’ is concerned, it’s far too late to turn around. It too has turned into an arm of big business and bringing largesse to the legal system itself; ie., over-staffed police agencies, the court system, the lawyers, corporately sponsored prison systems etc. This ‘value-added’ drug war was engineered on the behalf of the evil globalists that have seemingly commandeered the U.S. government via their Federal Reserve connected shills at Goldman Sachs. Goldman is one of a dozen ‘shareholders’ of the private quasi-government corporation known as the Federal Reserve.

    Then they’ve given us another “shadow war” ie., the ‘war on terror’ an endless, unresovable conflict that will make the “100 Years War” of yore seem like a cakewalk.

    Thanks again for this great all-encompassing article. : )

    Carl Nemo **==

  2. Carl Nemo

    May 14, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Correction: “Harold Brown too the former PM of Britain” should read Gordon Brown. My apologies.