Sarah Palin is Spinal Tap

Except for a handful of future Tea Baggers, few Americans had a clue about who the first term governor of Alaska was. We knew nothing about her point guard play, her problems with staying in one college, her backstabbing behavior in town politics, her efforts to impose censorship on the Wasilla Public Library, her husband’s secessionist efforts, her support of abstinence while her single, underage daughter was fucking her drug dealing neighbor’s unemployed son under her very roof, and so forth.

We didn’t even blink when she started toting around her mentally deficient infant as a stage prop. At least during her tax payer funded trips in Alaska.

Then the impossible, or the very, very improbable, happened. Senator John McCain crashed yet another proverbial jet fighter, making it his 127th example of “Poor Judgment.” (see #39, the Lincoln Savings and Loan Scandal of 1989) McCain snatched this functionally illiterate, aggressive, former beauty queen contestant and hillbillitte from the Alaskan wilderness. With one phone call, and not even half a thought, McCain made her, potentially, the second most powerful person in the world, a mere heart beat away from personal responsibility over a global financial collapse, three Muddle East wars, the quagmire in Korea, and mexican drug dealers taking their street war onto US territory, not to mention all the other messes we face domestically.

I don’ know if we can ever forgive him.

Wasilly Sarah hit the arena with her what would become her trademark fool court press. While her oratory presentations were notably fact free, illogical and incoherent, she threw enough christian and conservative code words, references to god, and angry white man expressions to ignite her basest supporters. We now know them as America’s Tea Baggers.

Like red meat to a pack of starving lions, her campaign performances managed to excite, engage, even enrage her followers. “The bad guys were in DC. The enemy was the “Democrat Party” and socialist fascist liberal thought.”

As spectacles go, only the infamous Baptist Tent Revival meetings from the 1870s, the 1930s beer hall meetings in Germany, and Walt Disney’s famous Lemming Suicide scenes could match them as proof that temporary insanity was contagious, and the “madness of crowds” was fact, not fiction.

– – –

Spinal Tap

This fictional band started with a bang on top and, well, . . . . “You can’t dust for vomit.”
The similarities between the band’s superficiality, cluelessness, and deer in the headlights approach to life, and Wasilly Sarah are just too many to ignore. We can only wait until Sarah manages something as profound and telling as “These go to eleven.”

Spinal Tap’s descent was gradual, but peppered by really incredible and hilarious events. Sarah’s recent Palm Pilot is but one such example.

– – –

Perhaps America is not completely filled with moranic sheeple, preying for financial salvation by way of corporate tax cuts, and praising their christian four fathers. According to the most recent ABC News/Washington Post poll, Americans who view Palin favorably has dropped to its lowest point ever recorded. More than 70% of responded by stating that she is not qualified to be president.

Even a laughable 37% of self-described conservatives will state that she has what it takes to sit in the Oval office. I have no doubts that even some conservatives are beginning to wonder why a journalism major needed a ghost writer to pen a bad book. (Hint: Call a local reporter or journalist. Ask them how their novel’s coming. They’ll love you for it.)

And yet, she remains popular in some circles, probably the most popular fixture among the Tea Bagger crowd. Unfortunately, the Tea Baggers are not the only ones. Dave Broder again proves that even a broken clock can be wrong all of the time:

Take Sarah Palin seriously.

Her lengthy Saturday night keynote address to the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville and her debut on the Sunday morning talk show circuit with Fox News’ Chris Wallace showed off a public figure at the top of her game — a politician who knows who she is and how to sell herself, even with notes on her palm.

This was not the first time that Palin has impressed me.

I know that the Legalization of Marijuana movement is gaining strength across the country, but who would have ever imagined that the Washington Post would be spiking its coffee pots with massive doses of hallucinogens, or that Broder was downing so many cups of the heady mix every day?

Regardless of what Broder’s PCP-induced ravings claim, most of America sees Sarah for what she is. An egotistical, mentally lazy, crowd whore who will use everyone (including the RNC and the Tea Baggers) and anyone (including her mentally impaired infant) for her own benefit. Two administrations ago, a press secretary inflicted the term “parsing” upon the public, and unfortunately, it has stuck around. Parsing, for those who aren’t sure, is defined as:

“To resolve into its elements, as a sentence, pointing out the several parts of speech, and their relation to each other by government or agreement; to analyze and describe grammatically; To split a file or other input into bits of data.”
(Thanks to Wiki)

If you ever tire of Sudoku, KenKen, or any variety of crossword puzzles, print out the complete text of Sarah’s recent Tea Bagger speech and the preprogrammed “interview” and try parsing her sentences. After much hard work, you will either be reaching for the aspirin, the bottle of single malt, or a loaded Smith and Wesson (Go with the revolver model, they jam less frequently) in hopes of stopping the pain.

It was amazing that a stupid, lazy, mentally deficient small state quitter was temporarily propelled to the top of the rather small list of GOP presidential contenders. What is not amazing is that America is waking up to the real Sarah, and like Spinal Tap, cancelled concerts will only be the start. And for that, America can be truly grateful.


  1. Arthur

    Not sure where Rob is coming from (in other words if he is an American or a Democrat). One thing I have learned is you can’t be a patriot and a loyal party member.

    Now with that said, let me say that as someone who has always voted Republican (NOT out of loyalty to the party but because I perceived them as the lesser of the two evils) I think Palin is dirty.

    If anyone deserves a child that is defective, it is someone like her who is known to wither with a don’t-you-even-think-of-going-there glaring look when anyone in her employ would dare to suggest that she make the exploiters of Alaska’s natural resources clean up after themselves.

    Last I heard Alaska has a birth-defect rate three times the national average. Imagine a land that should be so pristine instead has babies being born with deformities. You would think it would be the cleanest place to live in any state of the Union.

    Then too, there is the fact that her own elected her to Governor, and she reneged on her oath to them.

    Now I’m all for the women taking over if it is so they can show they can do a better, cleaner job than the lying, back-stabbing, graft-grabbing men. But if the feminine agenda is about now it’s us women who deserve the chance to do the power grabbing, the political selling-out, the behind-the-scenes corruption and deal making, then I can only hope their Creator is an Equal-Opportunity Curse Bringer.

  2. Issodhos

    “If anyone deserves a child that is defective, it is someone like her …”

    So, Arthur, do you really think a mother “deserves” a “defective” child? And do you think that a child “deserves” to be born “defective” so that the mother may be punished for not holding political views more to your liking? And just exactly what is a “defective” child? Strange as it may seem, there are some who think a child with developmental issues is still “deserving” of a mother who apparently loves her little “defect” in spite of what some think of him or his mother.

  3. Fulham

    I agree with Zenguine – animal cunning may be Palin’s strong suit, along with disdain for facts, and neither are logically electable traits in my view. Palin’s disrespectful red meat does not function to move problems to resolution; instead her red meat serves to focus the spotlight on Palin while blocking critical thinking and logical discussion.

  4. issodhos

    It reads like the standard mantra developed over time to rationalize the hatred, bigotry, misogyny pour out on her and her family immediately upon learning that she was McCain’s pick for VP.

    Speaking of VPs, as I recall it was Biden who was a cheerleader for the un-necessary invasion of Iraq. It was Biden who plagerized another man’s speech. It was Biden who described then candidate Obama in what would have been labeled racist terms if it had not been uttered by a modern lib Democrat. And when looking back over his long squat in the Senate, was there anything he was ever actually right about? But, back to the woman who leaves followers of the new-left influenced modern liberal movement mumbling fitfully in their sleep — I mean, when not rationalizing or apologizing for their fallen messiah.;-)

    What is it about Sarah P. that has so many still frothing at the mouth and biting at their haunches whenever her name is mentioned? I have reviewed my previous thoughts on the matter and find that they seem to still be spot on. Perhaps, what is truly amazing is that after the continuous, on-going and massive negative PR campaign directed at her by the establishment media versus the worshipful treatment of President Obama by the same media, Sarah’s favorability numbers apparently are holding up, whereas Barack’s are sliding fast. So, if she is what so many party establishment types portray her to be, why is she considered such a threat that they and their media mouthpieces feel they need to not let up on the attacks and leave her to fade into oblivion?

    Well, beginning at the beginning, a place I am told is almost always a good place to start, the announcement of a female for McCain\’s VP put the gender-focused vote back into play, strengthening the McCain campaign. Sarah Palin\’s selection as McCain\’s VP took the focus off of Barack Obama and cut short the post-coital .. er .. post nomination glow his worshipping fans were basking in. Sarah Palin\’s nomination speech indicated she would be a formidable force on the campaign trail. That was basically all within a week, as I recall. That is why so much hatred was poured out upon her and her family so early.

    As she was further exposed to the public, it quickly became apparent that she reflected a number of things Americans appreciate — things that can swing elections. She seemed to genuinely like her country. She was a mother who was also successful in outside the home. She did \”American\” things like hunt and shoot (She not only brought home the Moose bacon, she killed, gutted, skinned, cut it up, and cooked it:-)). She seemed to take her faith seriously without demanding others follow it or that the separation of state and church was a problem for her. People liked how she handled her unborn child\’s Down\’s syndrome. People liked how she handled her daughter\’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy — accepting it and vowing loving support. They liked her husband\’s reported character and outdoorsiness (harkened back to when pols and their families were not all slicked up \”suits\” and plastic props). In short, Obamans, Dem operatives, various leftist hate groups, and the body of modern liberal, metro-male, metro-female, sophisticated media mouthpieces saw Governor Palin as a major threat that, even as only a VP nominee, could put McCain over the top — or at least get him back into the race.

    Later, with more exposure, it became apparent that Governor Palin was not up to speed on foreign affairs and there were legitimate concerns about her track record in Alaskan politics. There was also the legitimate concern of whether she was ready to step into the job of President in the event that John McCain went toes-up while in office. Some have since used these concerns to rationalize the savagery of the attacks that were launched against her and her family in the beginning weeks of her selection.

    Today, she is still someone who reflects and puts a good face on all those things that cultural marxists and their Useful Gullibles (usually academic matriculants) have spent decades demonizing — Christianity, capitalism, Momhood, Dadhood, America, American history, whites, and white men in particular.

    That is why she still generates so much emotion. In, of course, my ever so humble opinion.
    Yours in mellow contemplation,

  5. Rob Kezelis

    OK, Iss, you win.
    She is not mentally lazy, informationally challenged, nor functionally illiterate. Instead, she is precisely the kind of person you want to lead this nation.

    You betcha.

  6. logtroll

    An’ I thot it was becuz she is an arrygant, snarky, ambshus be-atch what ain’t nun too smart. Ah stand keerektud. Thankee fer makin’ that pigs eer inter a sack purse.

  7. griff

    “Regardless of what Broder’s PCP-induced ravings claim, most of America sees Sarah for what she is. An egotistical, mentally lazy, crowd whore who will use everyone (including the RNC and the Tea Baggers) and anyone (including her mentally impaired infant) for her own benefit.”

    Kinda describes your boy, don’t it? In fact, it pretty much describes most politicians in D.C. Substitute DNC for RNC and ACORN for Tea Baggers and you’ve just described our current President. Of course I can come up with even more, but I tend to judge people on policy, not personality. There’s plenty to not like about Palin’s policies. I could care less about her family or her hobbies.

    I’m afraid the enemy is not fascist socialist liberal thought, it’s fascist socialist liberal policies, although I would hesitate to lump all liberals in there. I find I have much in common with liberals of the classical vein, but modern liberals – like their modern conservative counterparts – bear little resemblance to their classical forebears.

  8. almandine

    I think the term “progressive” is the new leftist vernacular, where the fiscal focus is antithetical to classical liberalism, but the social focus is primarily the same as socialism. In a nutshell, it’s a politically-correct term used to describe redistributionists.

  9. sherry

    Palin is neither as stupid as the Democrats would have us to believe, nor is she as intelligent as the TEA Partiers suggest.
    That said, the woman did balance a budget in AK, and she had approval ratings of 80% prior to the campaign. Neither Obama, Biden or McCain has balanced any budget. EVER. She actually did have executive experience.
    I have to wonder why people use so much print in attacking her.
    As for her cartng around her “retarded child”, she is a MOTHER, OK? Carting around our children is what mommies do. Had she sheilded him, her foes would have accused her of being ashamed of her challenged child.

    She can’t win. That is by your design.
    People relate to her because she is common. Could the same be said for McCain, POS Obama or Biden? NO.
    All of the above are clueless as to the real world.
    As it was, they claimed the child was actually Bristol’s which is quite a feat, since Bristol gave birth 10 months after Sarah’s challengend child.
    Do I believe Sarah is qualifed for POTUS. HELL NO, but neither is that POS we have now and it shows.

  10. griff

    Good points. In the political arena, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    I would echo that Palin indeed has more executive experience than that POS we have now.

    Funny how Rob didn’t offer any thing more than personal attacks.

  11. Zengine

    Her career is the product of something special. Whatever that something may be, it’s neither moral fibre nor intelligence. Animal intelligence maybe, but I digress.

    That elusive element must be what appeals to her fans, but it does nothing to impress me.

    Applying labels (laughable labels from the sector that chanted ‘Hilderbeast’) to those who don’t respect her doesn’t redeem her faults.

  12. griff

    At what price, progress?

    Just did my tax return. For years we’ve gotten a refund between $4800 and $6000 combined federal and state. This year, a mere $1400.

  13. almandine

    Every time I open this thread and think about responding, I find myself wanting to vomit. Then again, I think about all of Rob’s recent posts and wonder why THIS particular one makes me feel that way.

  14. Zengine

    She does?



    Imagine that. Without ever having been President, she now has “more executive experience” than someone who actually gets up in the morning and goes to work in the Oval Office. Nice.

    No. No. Actually, your statement was pretty dumb.

  15. griff

    You’re right, I should have said “had,” like at the time of the campaign. Of course now Obama has a whole year’s worth of lying, misleading, misrepresenting and catering to special interests.

    Indeed, he’s fully qualified now.

  16. Arthur

    “Of course now Obama has a whole year’s worth of lying, misleading, misrepresenting and catering to special interests.”

    I know griff may be speaking with tongue in cheek, but given the state of the political behind-the-scenes corruption that has gone on for decades, can anyone (other than some psychotic ostriches) deny that for Obama to have risen to the top of the heap in Chicago politics he had to sell his soul, his country, and his oath of office many times over?