Sarah Palin is Spinal Tap

Except for a handful of future Tea Baggers, few Americans had a clue about who the first term governor of Alaska was. We knew nothing about her point guard play, her problems with staying in one college, her backstabbing behavior in town politics, her efforts to impose censorship on the Wasilla Public Library, her husband’s secessionist efforts, her support of abstinence while her single, underage daughter was fucking her drug dealing neighbor’s unemployed son under her very roof, and so forth.

We didn’t even blink when she started toting around her mentally deficient infant as a stage prop. At least during her tax payer funded trips in Alaska.

Then the impossible, or the very, very improbable, happened. Senator John McCain crashed yet another proverbial jet fighter, making it his 127th example of “Poor Judgment.” (see #39, the Lincoln Savings and Loan Scandal of 1989) McCain snatched this functionally illiterate, aggressive, former beauty queen contestant and hillbillitte from the Alaskan wilderness. With one phone call, and not even half a thought, McCain made her, potentially, the second most powerful person in the world, a mere heart beat away from personal responsibility over a global financial collapse, three Muddle East wars, the quagmire in Korea, and mexican drug dealers taking their street war onto US territory, not to mention all the other messes we face domestically.

I don’ know if we can ever forgive him.

Wasilly Sarah hit the arena with her what would become her trademark fool court press. While her oratory presentations were notably fact free, illogical and incoherent, she threw enough christian and conservative code words, references to god, and angry white man expressions to ignite her basest supporters. We now know them as America’s Tea Baggers.

Like red meat to a pack of starving lions, her campaign performances managed to excite, engage, even enrage her followers. “The bad guys were in DC. The enemy was the “Democrat Party” and socialist fascist liberal thought.”

As spectacles go, only the infamous Baptist Tent Revival meetings from the 1870s, the 1930s beer hall meetings in Germany, and Walt Disney’s famous Lemming Suicide scenes could match them as proof that temporary insanity was contagious, and the “madness of crowds” was fact, not fiction.

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Spinal Tap

This fictional band started with a bang on top and, well, . . . . “You can’t dust for vomit.”
The similarities between the band’s superficiality, cluelessness, and deer in the headlights approach to life, and Wasilly Sarah are just too many to ignore. We can only wait until Sarah manages something as profound and telling as “These go to eleven.”

Spinal Tap’s descent was gradual, but peppered by really incredible and hilarious events. Sarah’s recent Palm Pilot is but one such example.

– – –

Perhaps America is not completely filled with moranic sheeple, preying for financial salvation by way of corporate tax cuts, and praising their christian four fathers. According to the most recent ABC News/Washington Post poll, Americans who view Palin favorably has dropped to its lowest point ever recorded. More than 70% of responded by stating that she is not qualified to be president.

Even a laughable 37% of self-described conservatives will state that she has what it takes to sit in the Oval office. I have no doubts that even some conservatives are beginning to wonder why a journalism major needed a ghost writer to pen a bad book. (Hint: Call a local reporter or journalist. Ask them how their novel’s coming. They’ll love you for it.)

And yet, she remains popular in some circles, probably the most popular fixture among the Tea Bagger crowd. Unfortunately, the Tea Baggers are not the only ones. Dave Broder again proves that even a broken clock can be wrong all of the time:

Take Sarah Palin seriously.

Her lengthy Saturday night keynote address to the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville and her debut on the Sunday morning talk show circuit with Fox News’ Chris Wallace showed off a public figure at the top of her game — a politician who knows who she is and how to sell herself, even with notes on her palm.

This was not the first time that Palin has impressed me.

I know that the Legalization of Marijuana movement is gaining strength across the country, but who would have ever imagined that the Washington Post would be spiking its coffee pots with massive doses of hallucinogens, or that Broder was downing so many cups of the heady mix every day?

Regardless of what Broder’s PCP-induced ravings claim, most of America sees Sarah for what she is. An egotistical, mentally lazy, crowd whore who will use everyone (including the RNC and the Tea Baggers) and anyone (including her mentally impaired infant) for her own benefit. Two administrations ago, a press secretary inflicted the term “parsing” upon the public, and unfortunately, it has stuck around. Parsing, for those who aren’t sure, is defined as:

“To resolve into its elements, as a sentence, pointing out the several parts of speech, and their relation to each other by government or agreement; to analyze and describe grammatically; To split a file or other input into bits of data.”
(Thanks to Wiki)

If you ever tire of Sudoku, KenKen, or any variety of crossword puzzles, print out the complete text of Sarah’s recent Tea Bagger speech and the preprogrammed “interview” and try parsing her sentences. After much hard work, you will either be reaching for the aspirin, the bottle of single malt, or a loaded Smith and Wesson (Go with the revolver model, they jam less frequently) in hopes of stopping the pain.

It was amazing that a stupid, lazy, mentally deficient small state quitter was temporarily propelled to the top of the rather small list of GOP presidential contenders. What is not amazing is that America is waking up to the real Sarah, and like Spinal Tap, cancelled concerts will only be the start. And for that, America can be truly grateful.

Comments

  1. Arthur

    Not sure where Rob is coming from (in other words if he is an American or a Democrat). One thing I have learned is you can’t be a patriot and a loyal party member.

    Now with that said, let me say that as someone who has always voted Republican (NOT out of loyalty to the party but because I perceived them as the lesser of the two evils) I think Palin is dirty.

    If anyone deserves a child that is defective, it is someone like her who is known to wither with a don’t-you-even-think-of-going-there glaring look when anyone in her employ would dare to suggest that she make the exploiters of Alaska’s natural resources clean up after themselves.

    Last I heard Alaska has a birth-defect rate three times the national average. Imagine a land that should be so pristine instead has babies being born with deformities. You would think it would be the cleanest place to live in any state of the Union.

    Then too, there is the fact that her own elected her to Governor, and she reneged on her oath to them.

    Now I’m all for the women taking over if it is so they can show they can do a better, cleaner job than the lying, back-stabbing, graft-grabbing men. But if the feminine agenda is about now it’s us women who deserve the chance to do the power grabbing, the political selling-out, the behind-the-scenes corruption and deal making, then I can only hope their Creator is an Equal-Opportunity Curse Bringer.

  2. Issodhos

    “If anyone deserves a child that is defective, it is someone like her …”

    So, Arthur, do you really think a mother “deserves” a “defective” child? And do you think that a child “deserves” to be born “defective” so that the mother may be punished for not holding political views more to your liking? And just exactly what is a “defective” child? Strange as it may seem, there are some who think a child with developmental issues is still “deserving” of a mother who apparently loves her little “defect” in spite of what some think of him or his mother.
    Yours,
    Issodhos

  3. Fulham

    I agree with Zenguine – animal cunning may be Palin’s strong suit, along with disdain for facts, and neither are logically electable traits in my view. Palin’s disrespectful red meat does not function to move problems to resolution; instead her red meat serves to focus the spotlight on Palin while blocking critical thinking and logical discussion.