Who hired these guys?

Yeah, I’m feeling real safe, secure in the knowledge that George W. Bush’s Department of Homeland Security, is keeping Islamic-spouting madmen from bombing the crap out of petting zoos, Amish popcorn factories and fast food outlets.

A peek at the DHS list of “top terror targets” also has me wondering “who hired these guys”

Let’s face it. The Bush Administration long ago surpassed the Keystone Kops as a law enforcement joke. The only difference between these folks and The Three Stooges is that the Stooges didn’t have nuclear weapons and heavy artillery.

DHS obviously believes it can keep America safe by guarding Old McDonald’s Petting Zoo in Indiana while leaving this country’s ports wide open to smuggle in a suitcase nuke in a standard cargo shipping container.

Indiana leads all other states in potential terror targets according to DHS. Yes, Indiana. I’ve spent a fair amount of time in the Hoosier State and while it is a nice enough place to drive through I can’t image Ahmed and his merry band of suicide bombers targeting the place as a blow to U.S. imperialism. Hell there’s some places there that an explosion or two might qualify as an improvement or at least urban renewal.

And while DHS is making sure Amish popcorn is protected from rampaging terrorists, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is over in Iraq making fun of soldiers who don’t have enough armor to protect them from real threats in Bush’s manufactured war.

When a soldier spoiled Rumseld’s carefully-scripted Iraq “town meeting” by daring to ask why his unit couldn’t get the new armored Humvees when New York City seems to have no trouble obtaining such vehicles, Rummy tried to turn it into a joke. Yeah, Americans dying in Iraq while the Secretary of Defense jokes about it. That’s really funny.

The absurdity of DHS’s terror target list is the latest example of a police state out of control. The Department of Homeland Security is the largest federal bureaucracy in American history, soaking up billions in taxpayer dollars and bloating the deficit to absurd proportions.

DHS money is used to buy assault weapons for one-man sheriff’s departments in out-of-the-way western towns and armored personnel carriers in places that haven’t had a murder or violent crime in decades.

Or perhaps DHS has un covered a new wrinkle in terror plots. Perhaps Osama has run out of virgins to promise his merry men and now plans to send an elite al-Qaeda force into Old McDonald’s Petting Zoo in Indiana to kidnap sheep as replacements.

It’s nice to know DHS is on the job, keeping us safe from attacks on the heartland. The next time my wife and I pull over to buy some popcorn from the local Amish we’ll feel secure in knowing the feds are making sure Osama’s boys don’t crash a hijacked Cessna into that stand.

(Edited after original publication to tone down the vitriol. We can make the point without the cusswords.)