Sit down. I’ll get to you in a minute. Just let me finish this doughnut.

Look, I said we’ll get to you in just a second. But, hey, did you see that poll — and what kind of stupid name is AP-Ipsos, anyway? — that says Americans are getting ruder? What a load of manure. Me, I’m always a perfect gentleman.

Hang on, I gotta take this call. Yo! I was doing good until you called. The answer is still no. If it’s defective, talk to the manufacturer. It’s too bad you don’t have a videophone so you can how many fingers I’m holding up. Moron.

OK, where were we? You don’t mind if I keep eating while you talk, do you? I’d offer you a cup of coffee but the company’s started charging for it.

Hang, gotta take another call. Yeah, that’s my car. What about it? I take up two spaces so it won’t get scratched, you stupid dipstick.

I’ll tell you what that poll should show: People are getting dumber. Other day a lady chews me out for using my cell phone in an elevator. Said she didn’t need someone yelling dirty words in her ear. You can guess what I told her.

So what can I do you for? Answer a question? Shoot.

Are you nuts? I love customer service. It’s my life.

Look, I gotta take another call. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Oh, and we don’t validate parking. Nice talking to you.

(Contact Dale McFeatters at McFeattersD(at)