Feds seize Capitol Hill Blue; Publisher detained

The Bush administration and the Republican National Committee seized control of Capitol Hill Blue during a pre-dawn raid Friday. The whereabouts of publisher Doug Thompson were not immediately known. Sources within the Bush administration suggest he is on a plane bound for the Guantanamo Bay detention center at the U.S. Marine Base on the coast of Cuba.

A squadron of black helicopters, military Humvees and federal agents from the Department of Homeland Security invaded Thompson’s mountaintop retreat in Southwestern Virginia, seizing his computers and notes and hauling the muckraking journalist away without giving his wife, Amy, a receipt.

“They were in and out like a flash,” Mrs. Thompson said. “But they left a hell of a mess. When I asked where they were taking Doug they muttered something about national security and said it was classified. As soon as I’m finished cleaning up this mess I’m gonna sit down and think about this. Then I may get my hair done and start looking for a new husband.”

Thompson, a longtime journalist and onetime political operative for the GOP, has been a persistent thorn in the side of the Bush administration for the past four years. A spokesman for the U.S. Department of Justice said Friday’s action was covered by the USA Patriot Act.

When asked if the raid was legal, the spokesman shrugged and said “Who knows? Under the Patriot Act we don’t have to know if it’s legal or not. We just do it. All we have to do is say it’s terrorist-related and we can do any damn thing we want.”

Sources within the Department of Homeland Security say Thompson’s files and computer hard drives will be studied before turning everything over to the Republican National Committee where Capitol Hill Blue will become a web publication of the GOP.

“We welcome adding Capitol Hill Blue to our growing cadre of faux journalistic enterprises,” said Constance Evasion, spokesman for the GOP. “With the demise of Talon News Service and the outing of our ‘propaganda as news’ operations within the various federal agencies, we need another outlet to get our side of the story out to a gullible public.”

Federal authorities refused to acknowledge they have Thompson in custody or discuss his whereabouts.

“We’re the Department of Homeland Security,” said a spokesman who refused to identify himself. “We don’t answer to anyone and we don’t have to tell you nuttin.’”

Supporters of Thompson and Capitol Hill Blue offered a reward for information on his whereabouts.

“We’re trying to raise money for his reward,” said CHB Spokesman Ima Muckraker. “So far, we’ve raised about $1.96.”