This is your President’s brain on drugs

Screw it. I’m not waiting until March 1. Too much crap out there. Too much malfeasance. Too many scum suckers living large off the backs of taxpayers.

So many scandals, screwups, corruption and FUBAR. Where to start?

Oh, what the hell. Let’s start with Dubya. Seems a slimeball named Doug Wead secretly taped his phone conversations with George W. and then let reporters listen to the tapes. In one, the Prez admits he was a doper but swore he would never admit smoking grass because it would set a bad example for kids.

Stoned cold Prez

Stoned cold Prez

“I wouldn’t answer the marijuana question. You know why? Because I don’t want some little kid doing what I tried,” Bush says on the tape. “But you got to understand, I want to be president. I want to lead. Do you want your little kid say, ‘Hey, Daddy, President Bush tried marijuana, I think I will?”

Now that’s a man with major league delusions of grandeur. No kid with an IQ over that of an average plant gives a fuck what Bush says, thinks or does. Kids don’t look up to political shitheads. Kids are smarter than that. The only cretins who admire Bush are the brain-dead Republicans who sold their souls to the Devil to get, and remain in, power. Bush might wow some Midwestern housewife or some toothless redneck who plasters his pickup truck with American flags, but you could take what both know about politics and real leadership and stick it in your eye without feeling it, so Bush should stop fretting about how kids or anyone with a nose sees him. They know shit when they smell it.

But it took another bottom feeder to catch Dubya on tape finally telling the truth about his drug-soaked past (or at least part of it). That’s no biggie. All you have to do is listen to Bush mangle the English language to realize too much alcohol and drugs fried his gray matter a long, long time ago.

The question is not whether Bush was a druggie. Hell, intelligent folk know that. What we don’t know is whether or not he’s still using. If he is, it would explain a lot. Only a hophead would pull some of the dumb ass stunts we’ve seen come out of the White House since January 20, 2001.

Dr. Justin Frank, the prominent Washington shrink who wrote Bush on the Couch: Inside the Mind of the President, says the Prez is, at the very least, a dry drunk – someone who no longer drinks but still pulls all the bonehead stunts of a drunk.

 “I was really very unsettled by him and I started watching everything he did and reading what he wrote, and watching him on videotape. I felt he was disturbed,” Dr. Frank says. Bush, he said, “fits the profile of a former drinker whose alcoholism has been arrested but not treated.”

Dr. Frank diagnoses Bush as a “paranoid megalomaniac” and points to a “lifelong streak of sadism, ranging from childhood pranks (using firecrackers to explode frogs) to insulting journalists, gloating over state executions … [and] pumping his fist gleefully before the bombing of Baghdad.”

“The President’s years of heavy drinking may have affected his brain function – and his decision to quit drinking without the help of a 12-step program [puts] him at far higher risk of relapse,” Dr. Frank adds.

That’s what America gets when it puts a doper and a drunk in the White House.