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Pastor Agnostic’s Messo-chussetts Sermon

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January 16, 2010

 1920 – Prohibition went into effect in the U.S, a date that shall live in infamy.

2000 – A truck loaded with evaporated milk was rammed into California’s state capitol building in Sacramento, CA.

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

 “They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.” – – –  Wassilly Sarah

“She’s not prepared to be governor. How can she be prepared to be vice president or president? Look at what she’s done to this state. What would she do to the nation?”   – – – Alaska State Senate President Lyda Green (GOP)

 

FROM THE CHURCH OF INEFFABLE STUPIDITY:

a) Messo-chussetts

* Arrogance 
Coakley was banking on a breeze-through, cake walk, skip to my loo victory. Instead, this election has turned into a cupcake vs. fruitcake battle. Frankly, I never imagined that a certifiable idiot like Brown could come as far as he has, especially with a message so pro-corporation and anti-Messochussetts. Yet, unless you are named Rasmussen, polls seldom lie. If only Coakley had turned down the arrogance level and her smug certainty of a victory, and instead, learned how to grovel in the gravel, putting her high heels to the ground and working for votes, we’d never be in this position. But, as Dan Quayle can tell you, there are no thyme machines in politics.

* chuztpah central 
Probably the worst possible result would be a race so close, so flawed, and so full of fraud, that we run into another Franken-style vote recount. I know nothing about Messochussetts election law, but I guarantee you, it won’t be pretty. The thing that would upset me the most is how the Rush and Seans on the Reich wing would crow about a Brown victory and orally spread their radio fecal matter in our faces. The thought is almost too much to bear.

* Diabolidical results

The Diebold electronic voting machines to be used in more than 90% of the state’s districts are the same demonstrably unreliable ballot scanning systems that were seen being hacked in the Emmy-nominated HBO documentary Hacking Democracy. The rest of the machines used in the Bay State are made by Sequoia Voting System, Inc., the same manufacturer whose machines were “misconfigured,” to switch votes in Erie County, NY’s Nov. 3, 2009 election and which have failed, and even been hacked, in a number of cases around the country.

Diaboldical Counting http://www.bradblog.com/?p=7650


Why am I not surprised?  

The answer is simple. For at least the last four national election cycles, GOP operatives have stolen elections, using Diaboldical machines, and other devices. If democrats really want to win Messo-Chussetts, should’t we be using all are technical abilities to return the favor? Why can only Republicans steal election results fair and square?

One result is obvious. If Democrats ever found sufficient spine to steal votes in a national election, the use of electronic (paperless and trail-less) machines would end in an instant. It’s ok when the GOP commits voter fraud, because their supporters make and own the machines. If we figure out how to crack them, only then will the shit hit the fan.

“It’s not the people who vote that count. It’s the people who count the votes.” 
—  Uncle Joe Stalin.

* The “good” news if we lose 
If we lose a Messochussetts seat to a certifiable neocon moron like Brown, we have the opportunity to make two huge, timely, and necessary changes. 


First, and foremost, the fiction of needing 60 votes should and could be tossed. I cannot fathom the missing mental processes that have so handicapped such a large majority in the senate. WHY? Did the GOP ever shoot itself in the foot so often, for such bad reasons? Worse yet, we end up giving assholes like Lieberman too much sway and control, and jerks like Nelson effective Veto power over legislation. Never did our four or five nation’s fathers, or even All Of Them  ever design a senate to be so lame-brained, ham-strung, and self-destructive. Losing this seat would give our leadership the chance to fix a totally unnecessary problem of our own making. 


Second, the other weirdly good news would be the kick in the pants that both democratic voters and democratic leaders apparently need. Voters expected the large majorities in both houses to do the right thing, and pass progressive legislation. We wuz wrong, and we wuz had. The chronic spinelessness on the “D” side of the aisle dissolutioned voters and supporters, and in a quirky way, the lack of leadership in the White House led directly to the growth of the Teabaggers. Never would the racist, mindless, sheeple supporting Sarah Palinisms have grown so large, if the White House had not taken such a hands-off policy on health care. That leadership vacuum gave Big Insurance, the GOP, and rich rectums like the Koch family the chance to scare people, and create this bowel-related movement.

Such a kick in the ass would wake up the legislators and the voters. It might even be enough to push the Ds into trying to do some good again.

- – -

 

b) A Tip for the Criminally Minded:

Malaysian police have arrested a Lebanese man allegedly carrying fake currency with a face value of $66 million after he tipped a hotel staff with a $500 note, an official said Friday.

The largest U.S. note currently in wide circulation is a $100 bill. But police found bundles of $1 million, $100,000 and $500 notes in the man’s hotel room in Kuala Lumpur on Sunday, said Izany Abdul Ghany, head of the city’s commercial crime unit.

Hotel staff alerted police after a housekeeper received a $500 note tip and found out it was fake when she tried to convert it to local currency at a money changer, Izany said. 
http://www.sfgate.com/…  

One reason that drug lords hate the dollar is because we don’t print anything larger than the $100 note. That makes the larger denominations of the Euro much easier to transport. Take note, US printing office! When Drug dealers hate your bills, you know you have a problem.

- – -

 

c) An A-OK for BPA!  or let’s keep poisoning ourselves.

In August of 2008, the Bush fascists in the FDA decided to ignore growing evidence that BPA in can linings and plastic bottles was leaching out and entering the blood systems of humans. Calling the plastic stiffener “totally safe”, they approved its use for all products.

But those damned facts kept popping out. A huge amount of foreign (even domestic)  evidence showed that exposure to BPA led to measurable increases of cancer, sexual dysfunction and heart disease. Fetuses, infants and young children seemed to suffer the highest risk. Some countries banned BPA completely, while others merely stopped its use in baby bottles and other items used in the baby industry.

Well, Washington has done it again. Showing its love of snails in terms of speed of movement, the FDA agreed to revisit the BPA issue.

Reporting from Washington – The Food and Drug Administration said Friday that the safety of a controversial chemical found in some baby bottles, children’s drinking cups and other food containers merited further study but did not warrant immediate restrictions on its use.

The FDA, the Department of Health and Human Services and other health agencies have committed $30 million to studying the health effects of bisphenol A, or BPA, and expect results in 18 to 24 months.

“We have some concern, meaning in part that we need to know more,” FDA Commissioner Margaret Hamburg said in a conference call with reporters.

In the meantime, the agency has issued guidance for limiting the exposure of children and babies. FDA Deputy Commissioner Joshua Sharfstein said that for the present, “the FDA does support the use of baby bottles with BPA.”

LA Times on BPA

Why does the BPA fiasco remind me of our recent health care debate? Is Washington so broken and controlled by outside corporate interests, that we should simply let the whole mess collapse?

- – – -

 

d) Haiti

The American Red Cross is in shock. Because of the American people’s open minds, and more so, because of their open wallets, the 8,500,000 surviving Haitians have a ray of hope.

By early yesterday, 40,000 corpses had been buried. At least 3 times as many were rumored to be stuck under collapsed buildings and rubble. Foreign countries delivered 2,000,000 meals ready to eat, and the US has done even more.

As studiers of both Yin And Yang will tell you, every silver cloud has its own dank, dark, dreary lining, and in this case, the bloated, blithering, blabbering,  behemoth bastard known as Rush has managed to exceed even his own low standards. If giving offense is worthy of any award (Not even the Church of Ineffable Stupidity can concoct a title worthy of repeating), Rush has shown himself to be the lifetime award winner. From the horse’s ass: 

“You already give to Haitian relief – it’s called the income tax.”

“Everything this president sees is a political opportunity, including Haiti, and he will use it to burnish his credentials with minorities in this country and around the world, and to accuse Republicans of having no compassion.”

“They produce zilch, zero, nada.” “Therefore, there is no reason to extend any humanitarian services to alleviate their suffering.”

There are more, but these really take the cake. And today’s Ineffably Stupid Award.

When I created this poll, I realized that our cystern of government is truly Fucked.Up.Beyond.Repair. The idea that these are the new and improved leaders of the GOP. . . . well, words do not exist.

 

One Response to Pastor Agnostic’s Messo-chussetts Sermon

  1. almandine

    January 17, 2010 at 5:05 pm

    Another aggressive, raw, shit-in-your-face, illogical … except for the ‘we wuz had’ admission… commentary from Rob.