Pastor Agnostic’s Spathic Sermon

1910 – Dr. Crippen is convicted at the Old Bailey of poisoning his wife and is subsequently hanged at Pentonville Prison in London.

1924 – Toastmasters International is founded.

COINCIDENCE? I think NOT!

“. . . bad science contributes to the steady dumbing down of our nation. Crude beliefs get transmitted to political leaders and the result is considerable damage to society. We see this happening now in the rapid rise of the religious right and how it has taken over large segments of the Republican Party. I think fundamentalist and Pentecostalist Pat Robertson is a far greater menace to America than, say, Jesse Helms who will soon be gone and forgotten.”
– Martin Gardner

“I have warned President Obama about creating an enemy’s list.”
– Lamar Alexander, (TN – R Nutcase)

From the Church of Ineffable stupidity:

a) Minnesota ready to upset Florida in Ineffably Stupid State race!

DULUTH, Minn. – A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to driving his motorized La-Z-Boy chair while drunk.
– - – -
ST. PAUL, Minn. – A St. Paul bank teller refused to hand over cash to a gunman and lived to tell about it. Authorities said the would-be robber walked into the Cherokee State Bank on Tuesday afternoon. He pointed a handgun at a teller and demanded money, but when she refused, he ran away with nothing.
– - –
MINEAPOLIS, Minn. – Michele Bachmann

The coveted Ineffably Stupid State award has been a lock for Florida for more than 3 years running. Minnesota, with the ineffable daily help of Ms. Bachmann, has taken a surprising lead. At least god spoke to her yesterday, and advised her against running for president.

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b) Ken Duberstein resurfaces from Cheney’s undisclosed cave, scares small children, puppies and the elderly.

A top lobbyist for the major private insurance industry trade group, America’s Health Insurance Plans (AHIP), urged Congressional Republicans to not even consider helping Democrats pass health care reform lest they aid an “enemy who is down.”
Steve Champlin, a lobbyist for the Duberstein Group who represents AHIP, declared that the road to a bipartisan health care reform bill was, essentially, dead. And he urged GOP members to keep it that way.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…

Duberstein was infamous for saying, “I am for Gov. George W. Bush, but it puzzles me greatly that they haven’t employed what you would refer to as your thermonuclear weapon.”

Yo, Fatboy, that was PRECISELY what was scaring America.

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c) sAINT Dan Inouye (D-HI, Rape supporter)

Sen. Dan Inouye, a longtime Democrat from Hawaii, is considering removing or altering the provision, which was offered by Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.) and passed by the Senate several weeks ago.
Inouye’s office, sources say, has been lobbied by defense contractors adamant that the language of the Franken amendment would leave them overly exposed to lawsuits and at constant risk of having contracts dry up. The Senate is considering taking out a provision known as the Title VII claim, which (if removed) would allow victims of assault or rape to bring suit against the individual perpetrator but not the contractor who employed him or her.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…

CAVING IN HERE IS MORALLY, ETHICALLY, LEGALLY AND CONSTITUTIONALLY WRONG, Senatwhore Inouye. How much is the military industrial complex paying for this change? Your priorities are fucked, without permiso.

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d) Runner up for Ineffably Stupid sAINT award, State pol Phil Berger (NC-R)

When North Carolina state senator Phil Berger (R) trucked a wheelbarrow stacked with Republican surveys into the governor’s office, he thought he was delivering a neat blow to Democratic Gov. Bev Perdue.

According to The News & Observer, the 3,000 or so surveys, filled out by prospective Republican voters, included questions such as “Do you think death panels made up of government bureaucrats should decide if your loved ones live or die?”

But it seems Berger didn’t actually read the surveys before wheeling them in during a press conference in which he attacked Perdue’s tax policies, among other things. When Perdue’s staff skimmed 1,000 or so of the surveys, they found comments that may have given Berger second thoughts.

“I am embarrassed to be associated with this organization. Your tactics are disgusting and you’re going to lose a generation of voters.” was one, Perdue spokeswoman Chrissy Pearson told the News.

“Stop wording questions so geared up to get the answers you want and start wording them to actually find out the people’s opinion, not just confirm your own.” read another.

LOL. This is too much. But, on second thought, being a card carrying member of the modern regional GOP, Berger’s lips probably got too tired to read more than a couple of the answers.

6 Responses to "Pastor Agnostic’s Spathic Sermon"

  1. Carl Nemo  October 22, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    Hi Rob,

    This sermon is both a hoot and a testament to the fact that modern era ‘newsworthy?’ phenomena is so much “white noise”.

    I must say it took a bit of creativity to put this diverse sampling of humorous insanity together. : )

    Carl Nemo **==

  2. almandine  October 22, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    “Stop wording questions so geared up to get the answers you want and start wording them to actually find out the people’s opinion, not just confirm your own.” read another.

    Then it wouldn’t be a poll, huh?

  3. Carl Nemo  October 22, 2009 at 9:41 pm

    Hi Almandine,

    Are there any answers to Rob’s sermon?! I guess I’m not on my game tonight, but the entire sermon impressed me as being so much “white noise”; ie., a collection of “news unworthy trash”, but somehow linked to our national core persona.

    You my friend are running your keel in a deep channel tonight. I’m only cleared for shallow draft operations; ie., reconaissance craft missions for a bit…! :))

    One too many Jack D’s on ice… :D

    Carl Nemo **==

  4. almandine  October 26, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    I may be in shallow draft mode too. I’m frankly a bit puzzled by Rob’s missive, which seems to me like he’s into the Black Jack as well.

    Whether this missive is related to the fruits of minerology or the delights of cleavage is the question…

  5. EmmaG  October 26, 2009 at 5:44 am

    Another excellent sermon, Pastor Ag!

  6. Sandra Price  October 26, 2009 at 6:03 am

    Well done Rob. The church must be proud of your courageous words. I will pay my dues soon.

    Sandy

Comments are closed.