1) You’re already depressed enough about things in your personal life that you can’t control.

2) Some of Doug’s titles are such downers that you can’t bring yourself to read the column, “Losing America” for example. Trust me. I read it and now I have all I can do to keep from having a second glass of pinot noir.

3) The other columnists, myself included, seem to have refined kvetching to an internet version of graffiti.

4) There are too many compound sentences with big words which tax your brain.

5) You’d rather read about Oprah’s diet-busting visit to the Texas State Fair.

6) You think that the only polls that mean anything are those having to do with sports.

7) Huffington Post is better because it has entertainment and comedy sections.

8) The Reader Rant forum reminds you of the debate club that snubbed you in high school until you beat the crap out of their president.

9) The commenters on the columns remind you of the witnesses who testified against you in my assault and battery trial.

10) Doug Thompson reminds you of the warden of Attica.

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