Phil Gramm had it right when he exclaimed:

“You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession. We may have a recession; we haven’t had one yet. We have sort of become a nation of whiners. You just hear this constant whining, complaining about a loss of competitiveness, America in decline. Misery sells newspapers. Thank God the economy is not as bad as you read in the newspaper every day.”

What if recessions are really just a state of mind?

Maybe we are just gloom and doom whiners. If we apply some doublethink and some newspeak, is the key to success simply to think happy positive thoughts and go with the flow?

What positive things can we define from this current economic turmoil?

What about all that dirt cheap housing?

Have a thousand dollars to spend and don’t mind living in post apocalyptic landscaped neighborhood?

Then check out Detroit where used homes now sell for less than used cars. Just beware of the motivated believers looking for their share.

Or maybe Phoenix, AZ is more your taste?

Be sure to report anyone carrying a firearm in plain view to the local authorities. We won’t wait for a crime to be committed before taking action. It’s a pre-emptive strike against violent crime. Guns kill people!

Perhaps Miami, FL Toledo, OH or Los Angeles, CA. All it takes is a positive attitude and willingness to share a fixer-upper (gutted out shack) with the reality challenged (meth heads), housing challenged (homeless), and teen development organizations (gangs) and you too can live the American dream for less.

We didn’t give billions of dollars to bankers that dedicated a large portion of their TARP funds to paying bonuses for themselves. We simply loaned a friend some money and they will pay it back some day. Maybe. So what if they didn’t use it to save housing. Look at all those really cheap homes for sale. By paying themselves and letting the market collapse instead of interfering with the bubble, those home prices are lower than ever and continue to fall!

You didn’t lose that job. You simply experienced an unexpected career change that just happened to have a lowering effect on your income level. Besides, you’ll probably find a new job in a year or 3. Certainly within the next 5 to 10 years. Chin up!

We haven’t lost $7 trillion dollars in asset values. We’ve gained a new perspective on what our stuff is worth.

It truly is just a state of mind. I feel refreshed, like a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing everything the government does is for my benefit and will only enrich my life in some unforeseen way that I’m just too dumb to understand. I should just trust the government and let them do whatever they want without question.

Worry about your hair and make-up. Watch sports. Eat. Shop. Consume. Throw it away and buy it again. Be happy. Everything is OK. Take your medications but don’t buy them from Canada or Mexico. Drink plenty of fluoridated water because it’s good for your teeth. War is peace, Freedom is slavery, Ignorance is strength. And remember, we were always at war with Eurasia, and Eastasia is our friend.

This has been a Big Brother public service announcement.