A couple of days ago, I wrote one of my periodic "I’m outta here" columns. In doing so, I violated my own rule about not writing when I’m pissed.
I could come up with a litany of excuses for being in a bad mood: Bruised ribs from a fall, a wetter-than-normal Spring with too many dark, depressing days or the general malaise that seems to grip this country when times get bad.
But none of these excuses would be valid. I simply woke up in a bad mood and used the keyboard and readership of Capitol Hill Blue as therapy — a bad move.
Yes, I’ve lost focus recently but running away won’t restore it. I’ve fallen into an "abandon hope all ye who enter here" mood that is neither constructive or productive.
Last week, I received a notice from the Social Security Administration advising me to start now to apply for the retirement benefits that start later this year. That didn’t help my mood either.
But the lady who cuts my hair stopped by my table at lunch Tuesday to tell me she’s taking a break from her job because she is scheduled for surgery Friday.
She said it matter-of-factly without a hint or regret or remorse. In fact, her mood was upbeat.
"I just want to get the surgery done so I can move on," she said. "I’ll make it."
I’m betting she will. In the face of such odds her optimism is inspiring and helps me realize just how petty my malaise had become.
I have friends who have lost their live savings, their homes and their future in the current economic mess. They face far more dire circumstances than I.
Capitol Hill Blue cannot help fight the problems that confront all of us by being a voice of doom run by a publisher who admits defeat.
"Never figured you for a quitter," read an email from a long-time reader.
I’m not. I just let it all get to me and started feeling sorry for myself.
Bad move. Stupid move. One that I hope to avoid making again.
I’m human. Like anyone I have mood swings. Most of the time I’m up. Sometimes, I’m down.
But I’m not out, not by a long shot.
So forget what I said…again. Say "I told you so" all you want. I deserve it.
I’m back. With luck, hope will follow soon.