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Prediction: McCain wins courtesy of Palin’s pact with his Satanic Majesty

By
November 3, 2008

I predict McCain will win the electoral college by the votes in one state, and Obama will win the popular vote. Defying all the polls and the pundit’s predictions McCain will go to sleep when the returns are in thinking he’s been blessed by a miracle from Heaven. Perhaps he’ll believe that Palin’s praying with the Kenyan pastor Bishop Thomas Muthee snatched righteous victory from witch’s jaws of defeat.


Click to see full image of sheet music from Irving Berlin’s “At the Devils Ball”

Nothing will be further from the truth. In fact his win will have been a gift from the master of lies, the horned one with whom Sarah Palin made a pact with.

Satan will enjoy watching demonstrations across America as Obama voters who are outraged at having the election stolen from them clash with pious McCain voters.

However, a cadre of Obama lawyers will file suit in federal court over voting irregularities in the crucial state where McCain eked out a victory by less than 2,000 votes. They demand a recount.

It will go to the Supreme Court yet again.

Amazingly, Justice Clarence Thomas, who had his own contract with Mephistopheles, will cast the deciding vote in a 5-4 decision and they will rule in favor of a recount.

This will be completed by Thanksgiving, which totally wrung out from the tension, we will celebrate with an Obama win.

In an example of life imitating art, like the Faustian deals depicted in numerous episodes of The Twilight Zone (“The Printer’s Devil” and “Escape Clause” for example), Palin signed a contract with the Devil which had a nasty little twist in it.

She should have known that the Devil is always in the details. The woman who was pranked for seven minutes into thinking she was talking to the president of France neglected to read the fine print. She should have known that last line is usually Lucifer’s last laugh.

In selling her soul the fine print guaranteed that “in trade for your immortal soul you will win the election on November 4, 2008 and loose it on November 27th.


Posters please read updated “Miss Martin’s rules for classroom manners” for rules and guidelines for commenting on this column.

18 Responses to Prediction: McCain wins courtesy of Palin’s pact with his Satanic Majesty

  1. Hal Brown

    November 4, 2008 at 7:40 am

    An interesting link: The website The American Thinker (link), which from what I can tell leans far right, has a link to this column which has prompted several hundred new readers.

    Consider this excerpt from one of their front page essays:

    But Obama’s most important achievement to date has not been getting enough press: In less than a year Sen. Obama has managed to divide our country to the degree it has not seen for over a hundred years.

    Remember the time when it was okay to disagree with (or even dislike) a presidential candidate? If you’re reading this, you’re old enough to remember that time — since it was just a year ago. It’s not okay anymore.

    Sure, many people, myself included, openly express their negative opinions of Sen. Obama. But what about the level of tolerance his supporters have for these opinions? It’s pretty low these days. If, somehow, you have been avoiding any political discussions, you’re in for a surprise.

    Perhaps even for a shock. These days if you disagree with Sen. Obama you’re almost immediately called a racist. from “The True Name of Barack Obama’s Change: Intolerance” By Jeff Tyler.

    He blames Obama for the intollerance demonstrated in this campaign!

    I’d like to welcome them although my impression is that they won’t appreciate what I wrote.

    The short piece, “Sudden talk of a McCain win in the press” by William D. Zeranski, says “For a man about to lose there’s still talk about winning. If Obama’s victory was in the bag, why this?”

    He then lists three opinion pieces, one from Michigan’s largest paper, The Free Press, one from Forbes, and this one. Good company.

    He closes with “There are other articles and the list is growing, but again, why? Of course the articles are all negative, everything from racism to Satanic influence are speculated, but the point is, the race isn’t over and Zogby and Rasmussen and Gallop haven’t changed that.”

    Talk about humor impaired, he suggests my column speculates Satanic inlfuence. It’s for readers like him that some media preface pieces like this with “Satire:”.

    Lots of the new readers came to this column by searching Google News with “McCain wins” and at least one searched the word “satanic”. I doubt the later was interested in politics though he or she might have been one of the few who, like Mr. Zeranski, didn’t realize it was meant to be satirical.

  2. Tinker

    November 4, 2008 at 11:01 am

    I just went to that “American Thinker” site. I haven’t read a thing there yet, but was struck by the illustration of Uncle Sam in the upper left-hand corner.

    Doesn’t he look as though he is sitting on the commode, and having a hard time of it too? Looks like the American Thinker might be constipated! At least we know where he does his thinking! ;o)

  3. Malibu

    November 4, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    Obama is not a divider but has managed to catch the attention of Moderate Republicans, like me. I did not vote for him but I will be cheering him on this evening.

    He may have divided up the GOP which wandering all over the place looking for an agenda.

    Tinker, maybe Uncle Sam needs a high enema! heh, heh, heh.

    Malcolm

  4. Don Quixote and Company

    November 4, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    Satan Sells Chrysler Stock…….
    To be sure, even Gordon Gecko (?) respects the shrewdness of the horned ones dealings. Satan likes to play with his meals before he feasts. Case in point: The Horned One put into Senator McCain’s mind that he should break with his usual election tradition, and make a fast break up to Colorado to plead with voters. A smart idea to be sure. One problem though. This morning on CNN they were showing election sites. In Aurora, Colorado one site had only 8 people in line. As the CNN commentator explained most voting sites in Colorado are very sparse with voters…….BECAUSE MOST OF COLORADO VOTED EARLY!!! Satan is not only sly, but sadistic as well. As Senator McCain pleads to a crowd of 1,000 people chances are most of them voted already. Now take Virginia for example, they do not have early voting, and they are a battleground state. Let’s not say that Senator McCain has poor judgement (like in economic disaster zones), let’s all blame it on the Devil. Flip Wilson always did.

  5. Don Quixote and Company

    November 4, 2008 at 7:13 pm

    Chrysler Stock Purchased
    In an unprecedented flury of poor judgement, Don Quixote and Company has bought 1,000 shares of Chrysler Stock from S. Devlin of Hades, Missouri. What were they thinking?

  6. Hal Brown

    November 4, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    Don Quixote, the Devil as a metaphor works so well with Palin that I’m surprised it hasn’t been used, at least not anywhere I’ve seen it. Perhaps pro-Obama writers are too classy even though Palin’s witch-doctoring begs to be satire.

    The McCain bottom feeders had no problem waiting until the last few days to unleash millions of dollars worth of Reverend Wright fright ads. Yesterday they were on once every half hour here in Massachusetts of all places. I assume they were aimed at our neighboring state of New Hampshire where McCain may have a chance, but whoever decided any New England state’s undecideds would buy such trash just doesn’t understand us.

    A funny thing happened on the way from this forum. As I noted in a previous comment a conservative website called The American Thinker put a link to this column on their website and ended up sending us some 500 new readers. None of their commenters thought my column was very funny and some didn’t even “get” that it was satire.

    This website is right wing but has reasonable decency standards. However, another thankfully much smaller website came across my column on The American Thinker and linked to it too. They are a despicable blatantly racist extremist website. I hesitated to post their link but we should know what we’re up against so here it is.

  7. Hal Brown

    November 4, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    While whiling away the time and trying to distract myself until the first returns come in, here’s another fantasy.

    Palin actually sold her soul to the Devil when she was mayor of Wasilla and running for governor. Ambitious as she was she knew it would take a Devil’s deal to become the governor on her thin resume.

    So she won the race and her witch exorcism was an attempt to break the contract with the Devil. Of course, the naive tundra tulip believed it worked.

    She should have known that the Devil doesn’t take kindly to anyone trying to f**k with him.

    So he decided to set her up for the biggest possible fall by getting her selected to run for vice president, knowing very well she’d believe she’d end up as president in the future.

  8. bryan mcclellan

    November 5, 2008 at 3:24 am

    Easy Hal,
    Bring someone home and we will help walk them to the door,
    for better o4r worse.

  9. RichardKanePA

    November 5, 2008 at 5:38 am

    The similarity between a picture of a woman who is supposed to represent sweet innocence and Sarah Palin’s photograph is no accident. Sarah spent her whole life trying to look as sweet an as innocent as possible. The lipstick, perhaps a little plastic surgery, the glasses she chooses, and the way she talks and responds to insults, portrays sweet innocence.

    A lot of voters didn’t like the idea of sweet innocence running the country some day. Or that the US stance toward the world should be sweet innocence. Then she tried to use the image of sweet innocence as a tool to preach some very serious ideas.

    Let’s look at others who were living caricatures.
    Paul Robeson the football star and actor tried to represent what an ideal Black Man would look like. He worked very hard at being an ideal football star and a strong voiced Black Man, then during World War preached standing up to Hitler as a hero to all of the US, then after the war preached Black Nationalism, and much accusation that prejudice against Negroes was why he had a hard time, in the US later in his life.

    Just like Sarah claims she is being picked on because she is a successful woman who doesn’t hide the fact she is one by acting like a man in a man’s world.

    Some of what Sarah preaches is beautiful, such as a parent with a child with disabilities, should love and be proud of that child, as she is to her other children.

    It’s ironic that someone as anticommunist as Sarah Palin, can best be understood by comparing her with a famous Communist.

    RichardKanePA

  10. Hal Brown

    November 3, 2008 at 10:28 am

    I just watched Palin at a rally, and I think I saw fire in her eyes…. literally.

    Too bad for her, there’s no Supreme Court to appeal to when you sell your soul to the Devil.

    I wonder what Hades will be like for her.

  11. gazelle1929

    November 3, 2008 at 10:54 am

    Gosh, all those testosterone-poisoned righties have been talking about how hot she is. Perhaps she already knows.

    Oh, a friend of mine sent me a copy of a letter to the editor of the Asheville Citizen-Times. According to the author, Sorry Sarah came to Asheville, which is one of the most moderate cities in the Southeast last Sunday. So how did she rev up the crowd?

    The first words out of her mouth, “Are there any rednecks out there? Let’s hear some redneck cheers.” Incredible display of staff ineptitude if not outright stupidity on her part.

  12. Ladywolf55

    November 3, 2008 at 1:59 pm

    This one had me laughing heartily, Gazelle. I lived in Asheville in my late teen years. It is loaded with educated physicians, etc. This is no redneck town, for sure! Thanks for the post. It made my day.

  13. Hal Brown

    November 3, 2008 at 11:08 am

    This is eerie. Am I imagining it or does the woman on the sheet music for Irving Berlin’s “At the Devil’s Ball” (link) resemble Sarah Palin?

    Slower loading full size image.

  14. CheckerboardStrangler

    November 3, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    Thankfully, NO.

  15. RichardKanePA

    November 3, 2008 at 11:32 am

    There are Rednecks for Obama, thanks to a Esquire article, we even know some Nazi’s favor a black president over endless war under McCain. We also have Pro-lifers for Obama but most just blog once without lobbying other pro-lifers to agree with them. I formed or more accurately called myself “pro-lifers against Sarah Palin’s extremism’, but didn’t get my emails responded to or penetrate the wall of secrecy that would allow. extra legal actions to happen.

    However when I was carrying my “Pro-Lifers Against Sarah Palin’s Extremism” sign at the anti-Palin protest, one lady going in to hear her stopped to have a long discussion with my pro-choice neighbor, entreeged that we could be friends all these years. However, the unborn babies are clearly going to have their votes caste for them by their advocates even though unborn babies aren’t eligible to vote.

    A little afterthought, a constitutional amendment that life begins at conception will mean that visitors wouldn’t have to come to a US hospital to give birth, only to have to airfreighted on dry ice a sperm and egg to the US, and after implanted together if a peatry dish air freighted back home without the mother taking the expenses to have her baby born in a US hospital.

    RichardKanePA

  16. CheckerboardStrangler

    November 3, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    “a constitutional amendment that life begins at conception will mean that visitors wouldn’t have to come to a US hospital to give birth, only to have to airfreighted on dry ice a sperm and egg to the US, and after implanted together if a peatry dish air freighted back home without the mother taking the expenses to have her baby born in a US hospital.”

    –I get the impression you are making an Orwellian case for an anchor baby invasion via FedEx?

    Jeff H in Occupied TX

  17. Hal Brown

    November 3, 2008 at 7:21 pm

    Terriblly sad news: while this column was written with tongue firmly planted in my cheek, I want to just add a very serious note about the death of Barack Obama’s grandmother one day before she’d learn whether her grandson would be elected preident of the United States.

    No matter what your political affiliation is, I am sure you agree that this is a family tragedy that is rare if not unprecedented.

    We all have to die, and of course she had a rich life and was incredibly proud of her grandson.

    She knew she had little time left and I am sure she wanted to hang on just one more day. I am sure her entire family had been hoping that she could.

    My deepest sympathy goes out to Barack Obama and his family.

  18. Malibu

    November 4, 2008 at 7:29 am

    Thank you Mr. Brown.

    Malcolm