I’m beginning to think my friend Mick isn’t as crazy as I thought he was.
When we were growing up together, Mick said there was really only one way to put an end to the eternal war in the Middle East.
Now I think his solution will work for the war on terror.
Before I tell you his simple solution, let me say first that I can understand why Bush, Cheney and Rummy never thought of it. I honestly believe that between the three of them, there isn’t one healthy sense of humor.
In fact, I’m pretty sure Cheney had his smile muscles surgically removed before becoming vice president.
OK, the war on terror.
There’s no way to kill or imprison enough of the enemy to win. All you do is create martyrs dreaming of their 72 virgins, or whatever the number is lately.
All it’s going to take to win is one threat.
The next time Al Qaeda — or his brother Bill — attacks, we drop the bomb on Mecca.
The pork bomb.
There will be absolutely nothing lethal about this weapon. It won’t kill anyone unless it lands directly on their head and it won’t damage any buildings.
What it will do is spill pork entrails on almost every person and structure within the area it covers. Greasy, stinking pork parts.
Food for some people, kryptonite for Muslims. Get smeared with pork — liquid and solid — and it’s pretty much cancel Christmas as far as they’re concerned.
We don’t even have to pull a Hiroshima on them. Drop one in some deserted part of the Saudi desert, just to show them we’ve got it, and tell them the next time Ground Zero is the Mecca YMMA. (I don’t think they have a YMCA)
Goofy? Maybe, but is it really any goofier than continuing to spend $10 billion a month we don’t have in a war that will probably last 100 years?
I rest my case.