October Surprise UPDATE: Confirmed, McCain pilots, Palin kills Osama bin Laden, Obama polls plummet

October 28, 2008 — BAGHRAM AIR BASE, AFGHANISTAN: A man closely fitting the description of Osama bin Laden has been shot and killed by Governor Sarah Palin from a light plane flown by Senator John McCain. A statement issued by US officials said that McCain and Palin acted without official sanction but had access to military intelligence from ground and satellite sources that bin Laden and a small group were thought to be traveling along a mountain trail in the rugged mountain region just across the Afghan border in Pakistan. (Scroll down and read comments for updates) McCain and Palin, accompanied by a United States Marine who squeezed in on Palin’s lap, armed with a M-40A3 sniper rifle, were allow to fly a prop driven T-6A Texan II along the border. (See image right of Greek A.F. T-6A, click to enlarge.)

McCain’s pre-jet Navy aviator experience was flying the propeller driven Douglas A-1 Skyraider.

They deviated from their flight plan which would have kept them in Afghan air space and crossed the border into Pakistan. McCain navigated a perilous route along a mountain valley avoiding detection by the Pakistan military, and until the last minute avoided being seen by the group thought to include bin Laden.

They came up from flying just above the floor of the valley surprising the group of six or seven men walking along a path along the edge of a cliff where there was no place for them to take cover.

The subject thought to be bin Laden was easily recognized because he was over 6’4″, with a thin build, long arms, and a white streaked beard.

Palin asked for the sniper rifle (image left) and quickly shot the tall man in the center of the chest. Other members of the party had begun to fire back. The Marine, yet not identified, returned fire with his second weapon, a 7.62x51mm M240 medium machine gun, while McCain made several passes until the return fire ceased.

It is thought that all members of the party were killed.

UPDATE: Reports from the Pakistani government indicate that a military party has reached the scene of the shooting and Osama bin Laden’s body has been identified.

UPDATE: A comment issued by Barack Obama says he is glad Osama has been eliminated but views McCain and Palin’s role as unnecessary because the action should have been taken by the United States military and reckless because they put their lives and the American political process in jeopardy.

UPDATE: Overnight polls show a 15 point increase for McCain among undecided voters and a loss of 5 point among voters who previous said they were leaning towards Obama. Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and members of their inner circle met for several hours to discuss the future of the campaign in view of the latest developments.

Obama spokespersons who had previously claimed that the McCain Palin visit to Iraq and Afghanistan was a desperate last ditch effort to turn the election around with a classic October surprise admitted that with less than two week before the election, Obama would have a difficult time regaining his lead.

UPDATE: U.S. Navy sources speaking on the condition that their identity not be revealed reported that McCain, the former fighter bomber pilot was stopped from taking a test flight on a fully armed F/A-18E Super Hornet when he stopped on the USS Nimitz in the Persian Gulf to visit the sailors after the killing of bin Laden.

They said they suspected but could not prove that McCain had obtained the coordinates of the residence of Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.


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35 Responses to "October Surprise UPDATE: Confirmed, McCain pilots, Palin kills Osama bin Laden, Obama polls plummet"

  1. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 2:56 pm

    Thanks Timr, I changed the jet and the prop plane as suggested. I also added a photo of the Tiger. I assumed Palin would be sitting on the Marine’s lap but I explained that too.

  2. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    How’s the following Helen?

  3. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    UPDATE: Pakistani officials revealed this afternoon that one of the bodies recovered from the remote mountain trail where Osama bin Laden and his party was killed was that of an American. Little information is being released at this time. The body is being shipped to Kabul for examination by American officials.

    The individual, it was revealed, was killed by machine gun bullets. He was a white man in his early 60′s and had an American passport.

  4. Helen Rainier  October 14, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    Hal,

    But taking idiocy too far is the fun of sheer idiocy — the fact that you CAN take it too far and make it too wild to be believable.

    Go ahead — let your inner idiot OUT and HAVE FUN with it!

  5. Helen Rainier  October 14, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Hal,

    If that’s where you want your idiocy to take you — get ‘er done (channeling Larry the Cable Guy)!

    (Could you make it Dick Cheney wearing one of his outrageous cowboy hats????? – just kidding)

  6. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    CENTCOM will be releasing the name of the dead American as the soon as the president and the man’s relatives are notified. Probably in the next hour.

    Stay tuned.

  7. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    UPDATE: CENTOM has identified the American killed in the mountains of Pakistan along with Osama bin Laden and several other of apparent Middle East descent as American citizen William Charles “Bill” Ayers. Ayers hold the title of Distinguished Professor of Education at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

    Recent picture provided
    to Wikipedia by Ayers, per their request,
    on Oct. 12, 2008, to be available
    in the public domain.

    He was a member of a radical violent group, the Weathermen, in the late 1960s and early 1970s. An association with presidential candidate Barack Obama early in Obama’s acarrer and later on community boards in Chicago brought him into prominence during this presidential campaign when opposition candidates McCain and Palin decided to use this to tarnish the reputation of Obama.

    The Republican candidates have claimed that Obama and Ayers are friends and that they pal around together, Obama has denied this and according to Wikipedia “The New York Times, The Washington Post, Time magazine, The Chicago Sun-Times, The New Yorker and The New Republic have said that their reporting doesn’t support the idea that Obama and Ayers had a close relationship”.

    Ayers did not appear to have been carrying a weapon. He was wearing a knapsack which contained an old copy of “The Anarchist Cookbook” by William Powell, a box of Snickers candy bars, and a plastic bag containing two dozen “Obama 08″ campaign buttons.

    Ayers is survived by his wife Bernardine Dohrn, also a former leader of the Weathermen. They have two adult children and shared legal guardianship of a third child

    Neither the McCain nor Obama campaigns would respond to inquiries asking for reactions to this development.

  8. Helen Rainier  October 14, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    Hal,

    Oh — now THAT is GOOD!

    Good job! ;-)

  9. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    If by some miracle Bill Ayers reads this, I hope he takes it in the spirit of satire. I think he is a decent, moral and ethical person who has and continues to contribute to his community and society in a positive way. I think he recognizes the great promise of America and in that sense puts “country first” as much or more than anybody waving a sign at a McCain/Palin rally.

    While I don’t condone what he did in the anti-war movement, I understand it. He has redeemed himself in his second life, and as much or more than people who wear the term on their sleeve, he’s one of many quiet American heroes.

    It’s a coincidence that until yesterday the only public domain picture of him available was that black and white photo of him from the 1970s. The one I included was one he personally submitted to Wikipedia.

  10. bryan mcclellan  October 14, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    FLASH..Dateline Oct14/08
    After a successful air raid across the mountains of Pakistan the Republican tickets plane upon return to deliver the head of Bin Laden to the American people encountered mechanical difficulties.

    McCain and Palins Cessna was observed over the Atlantic headed for D.C. with smoke billowing from the tail section, a crackly voice came over the radio and asked for landing instructions at Dulles. Air traffic control asked for identification and were told by the pilot that the candidates were passed out, that he is blind,and that they are flying upside down…PLEASE give landing instructions he implored!

    Air traffic was incredulous and asked the pilot;
    If you are blind, how do you know you are flying upside down?

    The crackly voice responded;

    Because SHIT is running up the back of my neck.

  11. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    Good one Bryan. Thanks to Timr’s military information the planes have been changed, the prop plane is a T-6A Texan II – which is used in training pilots. It could never make it across the Atlantic but the F18B Hornet (also changed from an obsolete one) could if it was refueled en route. It’s a two seater so you’d have to tweak your joke.

    Yeah, I know this is a goof, but I might as well try to keep it technically accurate.

  12. Hoosier_CowBoy  October 14, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    October 26, 2008
    The Peoples’ Republic of China announces it has bought and annexed the State of California . From this day forward the former State of California will be known as the Province of East China.

    The deal was signed today by President Bush in a special ceremony in the White House Rose Garden.

    The loss of Californias’ 59 votes in the electoral college will shift the Presidential Election to insure a victory for John McCain.

  13. bryan mcclellan  October 14, 2008 at 7:26 pm

    Thanks Hal, I was taking into account John and Sarahs versatility, you never know what they will try to fly by the American people next.

  14. bryan mcclellan  October 14, 2008 at 7:27 pm

    That’s a good one Cowboy, When Ahnie squints he does look somewhat oriental. The Pahty Poopah Khan. Sieg Noodle

  15. Hal Brown  October 15, 2008 at 8:03 am

    Help promote this story and other Capitol Hill Blue stories you like … the social news network we are getting the most referrals from on this column is Digg. So far there have been 48 “Diggs”, the more we get the higher our rating and the more people read it on the “Most Popular” Digg pages.

    For all CHB stories to “Digg it up” go to the bottom
    of the column and click Digg.

    On this column we are getting the most new readers from a search of Google News, when anyone searches there for October surprise.

    After Digg, the social news networks sites that send the most readers are Reddit and Delicious.

  16. knockknock  October 15, 2008 at 12:14 pm

    ROTFLMHO!!

  17. barak  October 15, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    I assume that if McCain was flying, they crashed and burned on the first flight.

  18. Hal Brown  October 15, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    First woody188 questions the national moose hunter’s ability to make a near impossible shot with a sniper rifle from a moving plane. I reminded him of the invisible heavenly hand that guided our girl Sarah’s golden bullet.

    Now, shame on you, doubting McCain’s flyboy skill.

    In making the details of the column more accurate thanks to timr, I put the fearsome twosome plus one Marine in a standard trainer. I also just changed the photo to a better one.

    He probably could fly this plane without much instruction as to what’s new on it since he last flew a prop plane.

    Hey, this ain’t no shoddy tall tale.

  19. storky  October 15, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    Far More Plausible:

    “Presidential candidiate, John McCain, and his running mate, Sarah Palin, are in critical condition following an ill fated attempt to kill Osama bin Laden. Their plane crashed shortly after takeoff . . . This is the sixth naval aircraft loss attributed to John McCain.”

  20. Hal Brown  October 15, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    but then it wouldn’t be the Republican October surprise which gave the election to McCain…

  21. Timr  October 16, 2008 at 3:10 pm

    Hal, 2 thumbs up! Thanx for listening and doing the update.

  22. Hal Brown  October 16, 2008 at 3:39 pm

    You’re very welcome. I learned a few things, it made the “story” better, and it was fun.

    The piece is getting twice the usual number of reads so you saved me from being embarrassed looking like I made technical mistakes.

    Besides, what with everybody writing about the debate, I couldn’t think of any new topics to write about, I don’t feel guilty about leaving this up for a few more days.

    After McCain’s display of anger last night I rather doubt he’d have the cool to pilot the plane in the story, but if anybody could pull off the shot, Palin probably could even if Mccain was flying like a berserker (look it up).

  23. Hal Brown  October 17, 2008 at 8:35 am

    The real John McCain is worse than many of us thought.

    The make believe maverick: the real John McCain.

    “This is the story of the real John McCain, the one who has been hiding in plain sight. It is the story of a man who has consistently put his own advancement above all else, a man willing to say and do anything to achieve his ultimate ambition: to become commander in chief, ascending to the one position that would finally enable him to outrank his four-star father and grandfather.”

    Credit where credit is due. Pollchecker blogged about this article back on October 6th here

  24. Harve3  October 14, 2008 at 8:50 am

    From your lips to God’s ear Hal.

    Hill Country Weisenheimer

  25. Lillibet  October 14, 2008 at 10:38 pm

    Too bad for the Red Squids, Bin Ladin been dead for almost seven years. Check this out, and the references cited: http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_mac_mcki_070929_is_osama_bin_laden_d.htm

    Oh the pain of reality…. Lillibet

  26. bryan mcclellan  October 14, 2008 at 11:02 am

    This would be very plausible as a false flag pre election stunner, but from past performance we’ve come to learn that McCain would have trouble flying a toilet seat and Palin’s aim would be halfway up Johnnies back while humming the tune Wipeout.

    When in doubt shoot the works!

  27. Klaus Hergeschimmer  October 15, 2008 at 9:37 am

    “I’M RED, WHITE & BLUE” (AW-WOO-AW-WOO, AW-WOO-AW-WOO!)

  28. zuzumamu  October 14, 2008 at 10:43 am

    UPDATE: President Bush has ordered a pike to be installed in the Rose Garden and will hold a press conference at noon when McCain lands in DC with the long awaited head of the notorious outlaw. There have been no press releases from the Saudi Kingdom as yet. Palin will be given the honor of field dressing the villain.

  29. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 10:57 am

    Nice one Zuzu, further updates welcome as this story progresses.

    Helpful websites if this comes true:

    Canada immigration

    Immigration to Mexico

    Bermuda immigration

  30. RichardKanePA  October 14, 2008 at 11:09 am

    A secret to the surges success is when the US government and Maliki claimed that the wounded al Qaeda kingpin fell off the stretcher trying to get away from the Americans. If I was Bush I would have done a lot of things differently. But I would have also tried to let Pakistan capture bin Laden, instead of US troops, realizing like most don’t that bin Laden would be extremely dangerous as a dead martyr.

    I also, had I accidentally killed bin Laden instead of turning him over to Muslims to try, would have claimed he was still alive. And made false comunicay’s coming from the then dead leader, expecting his followers to insist he was dead.

    But what if instead they also pretended that bin Laden was still alive?

    All this means that all the CIA has to do is announce that they just killed a long dead from liver disease, bin Laden, and McCain can be President.

    Maybe Hall’s dream is reality not a nightmare. Maybe despite me being usually progressive, I thinking Bush isn’t as bad as most people think, holds water.

    However I agree with most bloggers that President Palin will be the worst President or worse than any Ancient Roman Emperor the world has ever seen.

    PS in the past when I brought up this subject my comment disappeared. I’ll quickly save myself a copy in case this does again

    RichardKanePA

  31. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Martyrdom of Osama can only be avoided if he dies of natural causes and then he’ll simply be a revered hero to his supporters. Captured, tried and executed or killed won’t make a difference.

    Of course my satire is meant to be taken with two grains of salt and 10 mg. of Valium.

    P.S. to Richard: got your message.

  32. woody188  October 14, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    It’s hard to kill someone that’s already dead. Imagine the decomp since December 2001. Show me the body!

    Funny dream anyhow Hal. Especially since it is darn near impossible to make that shot with a sniper rifle from a moving plane.

    LOL, just read Richard’s comment and I’m like an quiet echo down here. And we aren’t the only ones to say so.

  33. Hal Brown  October 14, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    The golden bullet guided by the unseen heavenly hand, you betcha.

  34. Flapsaddle  October 14, 2008 at 1:02 pm

    I’m sure such a scenario would be an absolute nightmare for the Obama votaries; however, would that really be the case in the practical world of politics?

    In April 1991, George H. W. Bush had an incredibly swift and successful war behind him and had approval ratings in the high 80s; however, just 18 months later he is behind in a lackluster campaign against a virtually unknown governor of a not particularly forward-looking southern state. The military success in Iraq did not translate to much for Bush beset by economic problems and post-Andrew ineffectiveness.

    Thus, would the (hypothetical) demise of OBL really be that much of a boost to McCain? The end of the Cold War and the trashing of Saddam meant the end of an era – the end of history as we knew it, according to Francis Fukayama – and people felt comfortable in taking a chance on an unknown like Bill Clinton, someone who would never had made it out of the gate in the “old days”.

    The certifiable demise of OBL would mark then end of an era in the “war on terrorism” at a time when we are beset by economic woes and the aftermath of two rather destructive hurricanes. I’m not sure but that such an “October surprise” might make people feel more comfortable about taking a chance on a black president just as they once bet on a southern governor.

    Most sincerely,

    T. J. Flapsaddle

  35. Timr  October 14, 2008 at 1:09 pm

    Pretty good, but you really dated yourself with the F7F Tigercat, a plane that has been retired lo these many years. Should have said F/A18. But anyhoo, McCain was never qualified in the F7F, in fact I am not sure if it was still in service when he was flying/crashing the Navys bombers. But other than my nitpicking it was a very good piece. PS You should have said that McCain/Palin were flying a T6Texas, which is only a 2 seater, but then Palin could have sat on either McCains or the unknown Marines lap

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