Memo to the campaigns

JohnSid and SarahCuda missed the mark. For whom do I feel the worst? Good grief. Where to begin?
They think we want someone they can relate to. Folksy. Down home. You betcha. Yeah.
And what is up with “my friends”? Or “my prisoners”? Oh yeah. John I am so not relating to you.

So, John Sid (I’m southern so you have to have two names. It’s required), our current POTUS is so dang folksy he can’t string a sentence together, but we know what he means.
That’s what scares us JohnSid. That’s what scares us.

Now, here’s the memo you didn’t read: The majority of the electorate is middle aged. We are called baby boomers. I am at the tail end of that set myself. One year later and I would have been not a baby boomer. Rats. I am old, lumped together with the blue hairs.

We boomers don’t need folksy. We are looking to hire someone who can fix this mess. I don’t need you to be my friend. You are so not invited to my backyard barbeque. We appreciate your service and blah, blah, blah. You are still not invited, no matter how many times you call me your friend. Nothing personal. We aren’t friends. We don’t hire friends every four years. We hire a President.

SarahCuda, if you are going to be a heart beat away from the presidency, learn English. We don’t need folksy. It’s all right if you aren’t up to speed on foreign policy. You need to convince us you have a grasp on what a VP does all day. You will also need to convince us you know what a POTUS does all day and that you have a real, workable plan for that. Just in case.

We want you to be “presidential”. Have some class, even if you have to fake it.

Grow a pair. Seriously. When one of the talking heads asks a question, answer it. Tell us the truth. Share your vision and stop treating us like we are little children who can’t handle the truth. Trust me. We can handle it.

BarryH, you are so not off the hook. Not by a long shot. What is up with that “don’t utter my middle name” crap? If you don’t like your name, just change it. You are a lawyer. You are aware of how that process works.

Just an FYI to the uneducated, unwashed masses: the “H” we are neither allowed to utter nor write, is about as common in the Arab world as “Smith” and “Jones”. Yes, there was that bad guy Saddam, but there was also a good King of Jordan, married to an American woman named Lisa Halaby, now known as Queen Noor. So get over yourself. Now.

If you are elected people will disagree with you. That is what happens in a democratic republic. You will need to take your lumps, just as all the rest. It’s not racist, it’s not personal and you must stop using that as a crutch. It is not only annoying, but after a while, it makes you look weak. You are not the affirmative action candidate. You are telling us you are the most qualified. Be that person. Defend your beliefs and your plans.

Grow a pair. See above.

If you are not elected, it certainly will be a huge disappointment. You will still be a U S Senator. Not too shabby for a guy, who 4 years ago was a state senator. Please refrain from calling the electorate racist. It should be beneath a man of your stature.

You can actually set about being a working Senator, and use your clout to author some amazing legislation. The kind of legislation we will remember for years to come. You will still be able to push health care reform. Try something truly shocking like demanding a balanced budget. You can do that.

BarryH, are a brilliant man. The downside to that is, you are brilliant man. You bore easily. You don’t hang around long, before you are bored and ready for something else. We can’t afford that in a POTUS. You are easily frustrated, though you are less likely to show it, your fuse is as short as JohnSid’s. We, the people, cannot afford that.

The old man is old and while you are middle aged chronologically, you can be a petulant child.

JoeB, Lord bless you. You are a one man gaffe machine. You may be the most decent candidate for president. Just clean it up. Get a filter!