The lighter side

The Oxford English Dictionary has promised to react faster to changes in definitions, almost as quickly as the stock market changes. Here are some new definitions for older otherwise-familiar words:

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked
up in a nuthouse.