The Oxford English Dictionary has promised to react faster to changes in definitions, almost as quickly as the stock market changes. Here are some new definitions for older otherwise-familiar words:

CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked
up in a nuthouse.

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