I went to sleep before Sarah Palin’s speech and had a dream. Why bother staying up past my bedtime when I can dream a better speech? Which speech do you like better?

Good evening my fellow Americans. Thank you for the warm welcome. Uh-Oh, the telepromter is broken.

Long pause, looks up, glazed look.

Ié ieus éó ou éó óua! iiii éééé eeee oo uuuu óóóó aaaaa, really truly éi aaaa óó óó! aee ééé iiii uuuuuu óóóóóóóó, ei o ei eios ei! (credit)1. see footnote below

Seems to come back to reality, pauses again, regains composure.

Ladies and gentleman, this is a sign that I shouldn’t deliver my prepared speech. Instead I will speak from the heart, I will speak the absolute truth about this election and what I now realize is my mission.

Each American voter is on the verge of making a decision that has the most profound implications possible.

Make no mistake about it, my opponents are well meaning people and on many measures are as qualified to be president and vice president and John McCain and I.

Barack Obama and Joe Bidden have lost their way yet they don’t realize it. They mean well but they certainly aren’t the first leaders to be deceived.

We face a worldwide threat that has been foretold.

Voters must think long and hard about who they vote for, and I hope they vote for John McCain. We are in a time of extraordinary tribulation as foretold, and all these things foretold are coming upon us.

Please be obedient to your inner voice on election day; it will not forsake you, neither destroy you.

For ask now that the days of Democrat control are past. Ask whether there has been any such thing as this great man named John McCain, or have heard words like his?

I ask you to go and take our party from the midst of Democrat lies, from temptations, and by signs, and by wonders, and by a mighty hand, and by a stretched out arm, according to all that your inner voice tells you.

I implore you to hear this voice, that it might instruct you, and believe and trust John McCain, before great fire and brimstone destroy Democrat baby killers, destroy all Democrat sinners, which is foretold, and thou hear these words from your most humble servant Sarah Palin . 2. see footnote

Vote McCain, vote McCain, vote McCain…

Audience takes up chant. Many begin to speak in tongues. Half the audience falls to floor writhing or jerking about, many pass out.

Fade to black. Utter silence.

Television commentators for once are speechless.

What did I really think of the speech? Based on the portions I’ve heard so far, Don Rickles on steriods. If she’s a pit bull with lipstick I think she insults pit bulls. She was sarcastic, mean, insulting and self-aggrandizing.

To think that some critics used the b-word to describe Hillary.

1. Palin used to belong to a church where many parishioners speak in tongues. This column is not meant to insult or disparage anyone’s religion or religious beliefs. However, some of the quotes coming out about Palin’s opinions suggest strongly that she believes she is on a mission from God. I can accept her saying our soldiers are carrying out God’s will, but promoting a $30-billion natural gas pipeline project by stating “God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built” is carrying it too far.

Her own words have opened the door to such satire.

2. Freely ripped off from Deuteronomy 4:29-39

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