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RNC – live blogging

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September 3, 2008

I’m watching, so you can ignore the pain. It’s embarrassing to call this live. A ancient, lily white audience, hung over, bored, sparse. When Bob Dole looks more alive and healthier than most of the delegates, wow.

Dr. Elena Rios tried to bolster John McCain, but merely embarrassed the RNC puppeteers by raising real issues – AIDS, STDs, education, minority discrimination, trying to get medical care to everyone. As hard as they tried, the TV cameras scanning the empty seats could not find more than one person of color. And she had a suntan. After Rios was done? You could almost hear a full money clip drop. Oh wait, lookie! They let a black man into the convention center!

Next, another Hispanic, Ruth Lopez Novodor (anyone seeing a pattern here?) talked about small business, and even admitted she was a Hillary girl. Apparently, the selection of Sarah made her see the lite. light? At least she read from both the left AND center teleprompter.

A THIRD minority woman. Christy Swanson. Another Hillarian, now voting for John McCain.
She reads her text much like my 1st grade teacher read the book intended to put the kids to sleep. (Turn right and read. Now. Stop. Turn left, read. and stop here. Wait for applause. Turn left. Read. Breathe. Turn right and finish off.) “High taxes scare the biodiesel out of me?” She’s a source of BIO DIESEL? No shit! Or maybe . . .

Oh my god! THERE WAS A BLACK MAN THERE. “My friends,” said a seemingly nice Mike Williams, (TX). That pretty much sums it up, except for his pink bow tie, which he probably stole from a stoned Tucker Carlson during the Hookers and Blow bash. Amazing. Half empty, and half of those in the audience are facing AWAY from poor Mike. (Important update – Cubs – 0 Houston – 0)

Luis Fortuno – Puerto Rico. It hard to believe, but he is even worse with a teleprompter than poor Cristy. I don’t mind his accent. Most of my clients have strong ones, from America & other countries. But his message? John McCain promotes energy efficiency? Really? Details, please.

Folks, please clue me in. What is it with Republicans and really stupid hats? Hell, I wear fedoras over three seasons, and a nice Panama in summer, but this is just embarrassing.

Meg Whitman, formerly of e-Bay and Mr. PotatoHead (I kid you not), is one of the few remaining loyal Mormons who will say nice things about McCain’s choice for Veep. Of course, Meg was seriously vetted for Veep, unlike Sarah. Probably the best speaker so far, and certainly the smartest. Pity she picks the wrong team. So far, she, like all others, talks energy efficiency, but the details seem to MIA/POW. Frankly, If Whitman were the Veep nominee, I’d be far more worried about this election. Still, Houston – 1, Cubs – 0.

What confuses me is not that Dr. Rios was put on so early, but they let her on the stage at all.

No, stop that. Hey! You, the fat man! DO NOT DANCE like that. Your cardiologist is still on the back nine. What an image. Denver was packed. Aisles, seats, everywhere. This place? No matter how big their stupid hats are, or how many wave their yellow hankies, St. Paul has this weird cloud over it. Empty seats, tired faces until they see a camera, and yet, that fat man is STILL MOVING. At least he puts that yellow hankie to good use.

Ah, the infamous corporate suckcess story, Carly Fiorina. She who almost killed H-P. She who spied on her own employees. Funny how not one person dared mention the great suckcess of Bush/Cheney, not even Carly. In fact, Carly goes so far to suggest that McCain/Bimbo represent the party of change. Oh, and he was a POW. I never knew that.

I wonder what John promised her. Interior? EPA? Treasury? Where, oh where, could Carly do the most damage? Treasury. Yup. That’s her pay-off. At least the fat man sat down. Looks pale. REAL pale. d e a t h l y p a l e .

Tonight’s theme? Sarah Palin has more executive experience than Barack and Biden put together.

Ah, here’s Mitt. An ex-governor of an eastern state bitches that America has looked to its east for too long? Time for Arizona and Alaska! Let’s see. Reagan – California. Clinton – Arkansas. Bush – Texas. Yeah, Mitt, you are so right. Try as he does, you can’t help but feel that it took three washings, with bleach, to take the blood stain out of his magic undies when McCain inadvertently stored his POW survival knife in Mitt’s back. That’s right, Mitt. Attack Al Gore. Smart move. The most disturbing thing about Mitt has not been his erroneous facts, his bull, or spin, but for the first time in years, the man has four visible hairs out of place! The horror!

Oh, you joker, Mitt. You and Karl had a little chat, did you?

Houston – 1, Cubs – 0. The good news? the Associate Press has already reviewed, critiqued, and complimented (while attacking Obama) the speech that Sarah Palin has NOT YET GIVEN!, and released its story (an editorial pretending to be news) to its thousands of smaller newspapers. Go AP! There’s chutzpah, and then there’s serious major league chutzpah.

Again, you can’t help but notice how OLD and WHITE the entire delegation is. I’m 51, white, and I’d worry about bartenders carding me for a scotch compared to this crowd. Houston -3 Cubs – 0.

I’m sorry. I can’t do it. Hucksterbee is such a snake oil salesman that watching him forces me to seek a bath or a shower, and with a cast on the leg, the prep time takes too long. So, I refuse to hear about any more popcorn broiled squarl.

Dear Sarah will get her very own mention. She deserves it. After all the RNC spent more time re-writing that speech than the campaign did vetting her. It deserves her own story.

I’ll bet you that Bush Cheney will NEVER be mentioned today. Can’t say I blame them.

2 Responses to RNC – live blogging

  1. bryan mcclellan

    September 4, 2008 at 12:32 am

    Still 3-0 Houston. Do I detect a fellow Cub fan?
    Me old and white too, but broke.

  2. old_curmudgeon

    September 4, 2008 at 3:07 am

    Despite your blind belief in baseball nirvana, there are those of us who really, really root for the other team, any team.

    Now, where’s that damned goat…

    This really is more important than the convention.