Who’s Lacing McCain’s Gruel with Tranquilizers?

Why is John McCain speaking to us as though we’re his grandchildren? Is someone sprinkling tranquilizers on his gruel to keep his temper even? It’s almost embarrassing to listen to his speech — s-l-o-w, deliberate, and very sing-song-y, just the way childhood fairy tales are read to five-year-olds. Maybe he has us mixed up with Bush.

I’ll say one thing for McCain: he’s great for insomniacs. He has certainly put the media to sleep or they would’ve written about his involvement in the Keating Five and the ripping off of American elderly.

Perhaps he should consider asking one of his pharmaceutical pals for the newly invented drug nicknamed the Cuddle Drug. It’s a nasal spray that “increases the trust of strangers.” Dr. Thomas Baumgartner of the University of Zurich which discovered the drug, said, “people who inhaled Oxytocin continued to trust strangers with their money — even after they were betrayed.” This so-called “Cuddle Drug” inhibits the defenses of those who get a whiff.”

Perhaps McCain could have balloons at the republican convention filled with the stuff and splashed over the crowd soon before he speaks.

It may be the sole solution to ripping voters away from the Democrats, the only party that has entered the 21st Century. Unless, of course, he can get Hillary Clinton to take the Veep spot on the Republican Party. After all, when Arnold couldn’t get nominated by his Democratic party, he just switched to Republican as did Reagan before him. This year, nothing would surprise me.

Whether it’s age or not, I now believe there’s something wrong with McCain’s memory. Among other things, he keeps forgetting to tell his wife to leave her diamonds at home when he’s speaking to people in economic straits. That pin she’s been wearing lately could feed a lot of hungry people. Or should they be eating cake?