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Hey Dick! Have we got a gun for you!

February 17, 2006 05:35 AM / Opinion .

By BOB KERR
Providence Journal

You might want to take a look at this little baby, Mr. Vice President. It's lightweight, air-cooled, magazine-fed and designed for shoulder or hip firing on automatic or semiautomatic.

If you're wondering about those cold weather shoots in Wyoming, you'll be interested to know that the bottom of the trigger guard opens to provide access to the trigger while wearing winter mittens.

Considering your most recent little shoot-'em-up, you'll also be interested to know that the upper receiver/barrel assembly on this firearm has a fully adjustable rear sight and a compensator which helps keep the muzzle down during firing.

Just let that stock drop into your palm, Mr. Vice President. It just makes you want to track down some feathered little critter and blast away, doesn't it? Is there a sweeter sight than a patch of quail feathers floating in the cool Texas air?

Actually, Mr. Vice President, you might be somewhat familiar with this rifle.

It's the M16A2. It's an updated version of the M16, which, of course, hundreds of thousands of your generation carried in Vietnam. It was quite the pack of firepower as long as you didn't let a couple grains of sand spill down the barrel. It might bring back some memories.

What's that, Mr. Vice President? You didn't serve in Vietnam? Gosh, I just figured you being a guy who likes to pick up the gun and pull on those camouflage duds that you might have had some military experience at some point.

You know, like DeNiro and those guys in The Deer Hunter.

So what happened, Mr. Vice President? Did you have that Rush Limbaugh problem _ a little discomfort on the backside? Did you feel the draft and fall victim to that right-wing flu?

What's that, Mr. Vice President? You prefer to fight a war in a coat and tie?

Oh, that's a good one, Mr. Vice President. I'll bet that gets some giggles when you and the president get together.

But seriously, what did keep you out of that war? You didn't join the National Guard, did you?

You got deferments? You got five deferments? That sure is a lot of deferments for one person. It might be some kind of record. You sure must have had a lot of strange and horrible things going on in your life to get five deferments.

But there must be times, like this week for example, when you know all that dodging is going to come back at you.

You might even find yourself wishing that you'd lost out on that fifth deferment and actually had to answer the call. Heck, you might have developed some lasting skills and instincts that would have served you well when settling in with close friends and your security detail to pepper the Texas sky with birdshot.

Because now you have this hunting accident in Texas to deal with. You shot an elderly Republican instead of a bird. The poor guy has since suffered a heart attack. And you are woefully slow in getting the news out even though you are the vice president and people might want to know that you'd shot someone and personal responsibility seems to get mentioned a lot at the White House. So you find yourself in the middle of an endless Saturday Night Live skit _ a smoking shotgun in your hand and an older person lying on the ground next to you.

A hunting accident gets blown out of all proportion because you are who you are.

It will go on and on. That slobbering liberal media will point out far too gleefully that you did something in Texas that you never did in Vietnam:

You saw some real action with a gun in your hand.


© Copyright 2006 by Capitol Hill Blue

Comments

Give'um hell, Bob!!

Posted by Charlie Couser at February 17, 2006 07:19 AM

Im really sick and tired of all this crap about an accident and using it to bash the Vice President. Gimmie a break. If you had accidently shot one opf your friends, would you like to be treated this way?

Posted by at February 17, 2006 07:50 AM

If I was a famously loud-mouthed "chicken hawk" with a stupendous record of evading service and a holier-than-thou attitude (like big Dick).... um, yeah... fair game, so to speak... if he can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Posted by fendertweed at February 17, 2006 08:49 AM

If he wasn't so drunk, maybe he could have lifted the gun higher.

Posted by John at February 17, 2006 08:58 AM

I really want to know why the hospital ER didn't notify the police about a gun shot accident. I'll bet that a contingent of ubergestapo went to the hospital and told those guys to not notify anybody, the shooting was a matter of national security.

Let's do that next time we get threatened with a speeding ticket or whatever. Just say, "I was ...because of national security". I wonder what would happen?

Posted by gem at February 17, 2006 09:04 AM


Charlie Couser:

Actually, if any one of us shot and nearly killed someone while hunting illegally, we'd most likely be in jail now.

Posted by x at February 17, 2006 09:20 AM

When I first heard this on the news, it struck me as very funny. Of course, the resulting injury & heart attack that resulted weren't.

What was even less amusing as this story unfolded was the manner in which Cheney dealt (or didn't deal) with it, whcih, as has been pointed out by many, is deeply symptomatic of many ills that exist in our present administration.

Something that I've not heard anyone opine about, however, is that, while Cheney maintains that he was deeply affected to realize that his gunshot had injured a "dear friend" (and I'm sure that's true), no one has compared that to the fact that thousands of our men and women in uniform must witness the injuries and deaths of not only their companions, but those of the innocent, regularly. Those thousands who come home with deep physical & emotional scars with which they must live out their lives.

Buck up Mr Cheney. Without those five deferments it could have been much, much worse. AND you could have had to depend on shrinking VA benefits for care.

Posted by Vivian at February 17, 2006 09:44 AM

So, Charlie, you are "sick and tired" of all this "crap" about an accident and the way it's being "used" to persecute our sensitive VP? Well, I'm sick and tired of contemplating the rivers of human blood dripping off the hands of that bastard, who will likely never face the slightest consequence for the thousands and thousands of deaths and maimings he is DIRECTLY responsible for.

Posted by shane at February 17, 2006 10:45 AM

Okay, I got that many deferments, but then, I'm no chickenhawk. Here they are:
1:Undergrad student
2:Married ('64)
3:One child ('66)
4:Second child ('69)
5:Defense work for GE ('69)
6:Too old ('70)
A lot of us followed this track. Most that I know, however, aren't the falsely brave-with-other-peoples-kids hawks.

Posted by mr.ed at February 17, 2006 10:59 AM

I hear you, mr. ed. I myself would have dodged the 'nam draft, and if they had one today for Iraq, I'd dodge that, too. I'm not big into dying for a lie. Now if a war was justified, that's a different matter. But as far as "draft dodger" being a universal, rigteous pejorative, I say bullshit.

Posted by x at February 17, 2006 11:05 AM

Hold on, folks. Charlie didn't make the post saying he was sick and tired. That person merely signed on as "x". Don't blame poor Charlie for what ikky "x" had to say.

Posted by brookela at February 17, 2006 02:29 PM

I hear it's hard to find people to enlist in the service. Well??????why don't we just let Prince Dickie and King George climb up on their horses and lead the way in Iraq?????????????

Posted by rebecca Bank at February 17, 2006 07:44 PM

I did serve in Vietnam ('68-'69). If I had to do it again I would probably go to Canada. (Well not now with THEIR right-wing gov't) Bush/Cheney don't know the horrors of war. They are chickenhawks of the first order. They will send our sons and daughters to die for Bush's "vision", but when it was their turn one went AWOL and the other took 5 deferments. I am sick of this political atmosphere where the opposition Democrats have no balls and are in lock-step with this abhorant right-wing Congress. Look where their failed policies have taken us. There is no more middle-class. Bush makes it tougher to claim bankrupty and he gives billions in no-bid contracts. His illegal spying is close to being accepted. I feel very sad at what America has become. Our only hope is to block Bush initiatives and elect liberal Democrats and Progressives. We must accomplish this if this Nation is to survive.

Posted by lickspittle at February 17, 2006 07:57 PM

The underlining facts of V.P. Cheney mishitting his target, only tells, . . . his focus of mind and aim was inaccurate. "IF" (not likely), V.P. Cheney was not in a feeble state of mind on that infamous day, he sure is now experiencing debility, but not to say by illusive drugs or drinking, but by the conscious calling of calamity and shame!

Posted by at February 17, 2006 09:13 PM

In the role play of propaganda, you would think V.P.Cheney would at least squeeze in some compelling theatre drama by publicly announcing some given remorse in regards to shooting Whittington in the face. Wouldn't you think?


Posted by at February 17, 2006 09:20 PM

Hey, I didn't have a problem with the draft in the Sixties. I burned my draft card and told them to go screw themselves. Since I didn't see any Vietnamese landing troops in San Francisco, New York or anywhere else in America, I didn't feel threatened. Didn't see any Iraqis landing in America either and, since anybody with an I.Q. above 45 kows by now that Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, don't even trot out that worn out old rag again.
I had a lot of friends in high school volunteer and knew a lot that we drafted. Some of them came back, at least what was left of them.
But here's the bottom line. I'm not going to get killed for a rich bunch of bastards that start wars and then are too chickenshit to participate in them. If you feel the need to act in such a suicidal manner, by all means, participate. But don't attach the concepts of freedom or patriotism to such acts because that's just a convenient way
for them to get you to do their dirty work.

Posted by nathan brazil at February 17, 2006 10:45 PM

The way we hear it, . . . the government has increased "incentive bonuses," if one enrolls. Hey, who can wrong with a deal of incentives and bonuses, . . . in exchange of losing a limb or your sight, or even your total state of health and living!

When will people learn that old familiar phrase, . . . "NO!"

Posted by at February 18, 2006 12:25 AM

DID YOU KNOW, . . . we are to serve God before giving consideration of serving man? So why are so many people yet being tricked into believing one has to serve man unto an unjust cause?

Learn the facts pertaining to "LIFE." All of which is in script of Scripture and American history.

Posted by at February 18, 2006 12:28 AM

So, did Cheney shoot the guy from 30 ft or from 10 ft?

Posted by Lauxa at February 18, 2006 12:45 AM

Lets not allow the Dick Cheney hunting incident to become yesterday's news. There are still questions that need to be answered. Just how much did he have to drink? Was he drunk? Why did they take 18 hours before the shooting was reported? Was it because Dick Cheney needed 18 hours to sober up? Was he drunk when he shot? Why isn't the press asking these questions instead of me?
If it were a democrat VP who shot someone while hunting you can be sure there would be full scale reporting and editorializing happening in our Republican controlled now.

Posted by beelzabubb at February 18, 2006 07:46 AM

Lickspittle, your comment is the best I have ever read. Thank you, Very much
Phil

Posted by Phil at February 18, 2006 02:21 PM

To quote Debora J. Saunders of San Francisco Chronicle: "Dick Cheney--Elmer Fudd"

Posted by sandramortimore at February 18, 2006 08:56 PM

This is in response to the person who questioned, . . . "Would I like to be treated this way, if I shot a friend?"

In the first place, . . . I wouldn't be so foolish as to shoot my friend.
Second place, . . . I wouldn't be so foolish as to be drinking while taking targets with a gun, for my friend or my sake.
Third place, . . . I wouldn't leave my friend laying in the hospital while having dinner.
Fourth place, . . . I would accept responsibility for my actions IF I was to foolishly shoot "anyone." My parents raised me correctly.
Fifth place, . . . I would immediately report the truth at the time of the scene, to relieve any doubt or suspicion of the circumstances.
Sixth place, . . . First it was told by VP Cheney, Whittington is a "friend." Then VP Cheney stated, Whittington is just an "acquaintance." So which of the two is the truth? How can the VP speak of anything in a truthful manner when he can't even discern if Whittington is a friend or an acquaintance?
Seventh place, . . . I would be at the person's bedside until he or she was released from the hospital. Where was VP Cheney found during Whittington's close call to answering to death?

Also, VP Cheney stated, most likely the sun affected his shooting. Wasn't it near 6:30 p.m. when the shooting occurred? Isn't the sun down by then?

Oh well, another one bites the dust, . . . it is a matter of he said she said. The only One who knows the "fullness of the truth" is the only One who needs to know, . . . God. And VP Cheney can't lie to God and take God for a fool.

In personal opinion, . . . If there weren't so many witnesses, it wouldn't surprise me if VP had made up a complete new story and blamed some "stranger behind the BUSH'S."

Posted by peaceful dreams at February 19, 2006 12:03 AM

I would not be surprised if quail is'nt the only thing hunted on the VP's grounds out there. I will be open with the fact that I am a consipiracy theorist, be that as it may, I really believe there are some other types of dark doings that go on in those hunting grounds that you never hear about. Think about the ego of this man, his lack of participation in the "real military", the absolute evil behind his eyes and tell me some dark shit hasn't gone on in those woods. I think this shooting was an accident or you wouldn't have heard a word about it. But I do believe that he was drunk with his ol buddies and got a nervous trigger happy finger wanting to get the FIRST bird.

Posted by Deborah at March 27, 2006 12:20 PM

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